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CHAMELEON
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JOURNAL#5 anger fuels and fills the storm clouds that occupy
his aqua eyes
I am very thankful to that flash second warning
that visual fueling for me buys
he's always so quick to jump to the most damning
conclusion
work is he often says to his love life if anything
a necessary intrusion
about Mitchell I have no illusions
he has informed me that he's not your garden variety
prick
with a brief and well chosen arsenal of words he can
put across any provocation or make any pertinent point
in his favor stick
to his closest friends he's completely loyal
if he doesn't know you, 'pain in the ass wise' he'd be
marked royal
he has an ongoing love affair with speed
women, sexually speaking for him only fill a
functional need
I'm his surrogate girlfriend
I am the only woman to his will he can not bend
our relationship he feels he has to constantly to
our friends defend
he won't admit it but he's very jealous of how I feel
about his cousin Wren
the two of them together now that's quite an explosive
blend
one being wholesome and honest while the other hides
behind his anger and tries to pretend
though his had boy attitude hides a sense of humor quite dry and droll
his pouting whiskey mouth will set you at ease
the man truly knows how to attain his goal
when he chooses he can be charming and enormously
engaging
but if you cross him, in his war you will suffer in the
waging
he readily admits its hard for him to simply let himself be loved
often in dealing with him on that sensitive of a level
my heart is gloved
I've mostly tried to just love him a lot and accept only what he's willing
to give in return
but his emotional generosity boundless as it is
I still admire his ability and apparent willingness
to quickly learn
for a healthy happy man, that's all for which I yearn
when I see him struggling with the awkwardness of what
he's feeling , tears mist my eyes and start to burn
on the exterior, he's the kind of man women absolutely
adore and men hope to one day emulate
it's the superficiality of it all that his anger tries to reconstruct and
recreate
when I think of his deep rooted sadness my heart aches
for the lonely little lost boy inside
the one who behind our treasured friendship and his hard headed
pride tries so desperately to hide
sometimes I feel he just loves me too much
but when he looks at me with those eyes filled with
that crippling inner pain I can't go on without his
touch
it hurts so much to write this
as this pen pounds heartlessly upon the page
I feel I'm deceiving him
the betrayal started that day in the mall
with the briefest welcome back kiss
when I hugged him and tousled his hair and told him
he needed a trim
know that if I had it all to do a thousand times
over I would love you and live by you over and over
again
or until you said when
don't judge me too hastily over this for I will always
remain your friend
for you see, my life is yours to spend.........
( written Sept 8,1991 am)
