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INTIMATE LOVE/ INTIMATE PAIN
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JOURNAL#18 my love metamorphosed into
strangely enough
a love no more
the pain so private
ate away at all the love
once so sublime
I lost parts of my soul
only to find a much more
strengthened heart
more completely intact than
ever
though minus the before mentioned
love
and more ready to move on
than it has ever been before
oh, but how I dread the upcoming
battle
the one I must try to fight for him
just like the one I somehow unknowingly
fought within myself
and perhaps even won
though I still am not so entirely sure
his pending pain
will be my growing guilt
the weight of such shame
my fondest regret
why did I have to change
I would give almost anything to spare him
such hurt
but I know that I can't
if I could take all his pending pain
upon myself and bare it for him
note that I gladly would
but the process just doesn't work that way
I hurt so much once
now sadly enough
he too must have to hurt
our final waltz together
is nearly over now
and he has yet to even fully realize it
but from me
he must find the strength in himself
even if unwillingly
to take his cue
how very sorry I am
that my own pain
had to spill over onto you
can you ever forgive me?
my once so very precious love..............
(March 18, 1998)
