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REALIZATION
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JOURNAL#2 standing helplessly hopeful in your winter foyer
not knowing yet what to contemplate or say
when you so abruptly opened your beautiful oak faced
door
my carefully prepared speech fell headlong to the
stone tiled floor
isn't it ironic how deeply you can wound me with
but a single careless remark
leaving only a shell of fond memories standing
erect, silent and stark
lifeless grievance lay claim to any inner peace
that you can find
and don't let good reasoning fall short or behind
pulling my strength and will to fight together
I am torturously trying
away from lost love's bitter confrontation I am
somewhat shying
the hold you have over me is too constrictive for me
to even be denying
the hair on the back of my neck has begun to quiver
and rise
at this moment in the category of fools I must be
quite the prize
being with you the way I was
was really quite a coup
that's the way it is for any fellow fool
even you
now comes the most surprising turn about twist
the man I fell in love with does no longer exist
why am I still standing here
my REALIZATION of stupidity must be transparently
clear
but there is a secret battle within
and it wishes to rehash the past once again
we have so much left to still discuss
all the negatives do not necessarily outweigh the
plus
you make me so damn crazy that I could simply just
cuss
when everything gets heated up you always say drop
it, let's don't make an ugly fuss
I wish I had your ability to walk away saying ce la vie
but instead inside I cry release me
for I so desperately need now to be free........
(written Feb 17,1991)
