PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

do you think God forgives a person for

contemplating suicide

what about homicide

and how does one live without his or her pride

I'm such a mess on the inside

from my own self I can't even hide

so, in you, I must quietly confide

Steve doesn't love me but still I am in love

with him

I wish I could die

why can't he see

this dying and aching part so deep inside of me

I think of him every minute of every passing day

I've taken advantage of his friendship

and for this I know I have to pay

I'm ugly and fat

or is it something much worse than that

I'm a coward, a true chicken shit piss head

I'm too scared to even arrange to get myself

dead

he'd probably proposition my best friend at my

funeral if he even went

then they'd take off early to any nearby

available bed

why do I love that scrawny low life son of a bitch

he's neither tall nor gorgeous and he's damned sure

not rich

why does he kiss and make love to me one minute then

act like I'm one of the guys and playfully punch me

in the arm the next

why can't he see my confusion and pain

why do all my pathetic attempts seem in vain

why doesn't he call me sometimes

my eyes, nose and head are ll puffy and sore

yet still I want to get into my car and find myself

at his door

when I met him my pidley pride took a hike

oh, why couldn't I have been born dyke

I don't think overall that I'm so bad

I just loose my cool quick whenever I get mad

I'd give him almost anything if he'd only ask

I just wish I could drop the quick, witty, happy,

go lucky, funny girl mask

my head hurts my body is rather numb

right now I guess you could say all in all I feel

really dumb

I'm going to try to give him a break as well as

time to think  over the decision he alone has

to make

my life right now is rather dim

I am like an outsider looking  in

asking for a chance to participate even if I

can not win.........

(written Dec 16,1988)