pages in a letter
comfort
battle weary tears
that have been repeatedly shot down
all across these pale trenches
called my cheeks
these soldiers of such worry
work their magic
at destroying my hope
but I know
I must keep my courage up
for you but for me
just as well
fear plays a part in all men's lives
but the smart ones just don't let it
rule their ways of thinking
they use the fear mercilessly
against itself
to bridge walls of darkness and dread
that ominously loom in their way
and win strategic points
over before thought to be impassable paths
and take back what is rightfully his own
heart is the greatest weapon
a truly good soldier possesses
without heart he is a drone bee
working for the collectives good
where any hope for himself is not even a
conscious thought
drones are fine admirable creatures
if you are a bee
but for a man to be any real good to
anyone
he must be as well
optionally good for himself
so he holds the choice
(in most cases)
whether to give his own life for a cause
or not
his heart has to help him to storm beyond
the fear
and fight the good fight
to in the end attain the love that most
of us crave
in his mind at that moment the love of
country
like the love of a good woman
is a war in hell
worth harrowing through
the end will rise
to make the fight worth the suffered wounds
of fear and the loneliness and bitter
isolation
that followed this soldier of such great
heart
across the booby trapped cold battlefield
that was placed between us
so put down your weapons
throw away your anger
let your fear
with mine
drain silently out of us
and into the grave I've just dug
for it
and pledge your love by forfeiting your
beautiful heart to me once again
such incredible love
is the food which my soul
in this dark swirling moment
can only survive on
I just pray that God doesn't view
my thinking that as being so terribly
terribly wrong
as I need you so terribly much this very moment
that I think I would even risk his wrath
to somehow get through to you right now...........
(Jan. 19, 2000)