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FROM MY BAR HOPPIN' DAYS
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JOURNAL#1 Rod, what a man, what a mystery,
its all such a wonder
the man alone is simply driving me
all the way under
he's a friend of a friend
hes breaking my hungry heart
he doesn't even know it
but I'm falling apart
It's been so long since I wrote a poem
I can't remember the last
but just after three short weekends
in his presence
I took to pen and paper fast
my heart is actually bleeding
it physically hurts
this tenacious needing
I'm simply just some girl in a bar to him
why couldn't he be to me just another Jon, Jake,
Joe or Jim
why is he so special
hes not so terribly good looking
he's even a tad too skinny
when he walked away from me that first time
why I could have shook him and hard
he's really quite nice
he has beautiful eyes
a soft lovely beard
and an easy smile
If I ever told him all my joking and flattery
were really serious I bet he'd run a country
mile
sometimes I wish he'd just be mean and
cut me out of his life nice and neat
yet getting over him will likely be no easy feat
still he finds me attractive I can see it in his eyes
he can talk to me and I listen
he's just deaf to my inner cries
the man makes me crazy if he'd only give me
the smallest chance
hell, what am I talking about with me he even refuses
to dance
I'd like to kiss him deeply just once so bad
but I'm afraid if I tried he'd only get mad
its not just 'one of those things' again
its not his looks its more his personality
one that will surely send me sailing face to face
with my own fragile mortality
it hurts worse when you are not in love with one's
attractively arresting good looks
if you don't believe me look it up
you'll find this information in a great many diverse
books
my heart is not dead at all it is very much alive and
presently aching
but my mind is so weary and exhausted that I doubt my
heart will have me in the middle of the night waking
and shaking..................
(written June 19, 1988)
