ALL FOR YOUR LOVE UNRETURNED

Folder: 
JOURNAL#1

Mcguire, Mcguire now I have gone

you will dance and laugh and carry on

I will be miserable, displaced and completely

lost

you will continue as you have no matter what

the cost

I have been riding so long I don't know

exactly where I am

I only know that the time had come for me

to scram

the toll has rung noon thirty

I'm tired, mussed, hungry and dirty

I am all alone

I now have no one

you don't want me but still it is to you

that I wish I could run

I made a mistake the other night

I truly do wish  that I could wish it dead

but that still wouldn't make my wrong right

to be said

I miss you

hell, I missed you before I even left

while you talked quietly with Billy C.

completely ignoring me

I feel so utterly bereft

how am I to carry on without seeing your

little hitler-like face

I pray I will be alright once I'm back at my safe

home base

I'll never forget you Mcguire

you were an element in that month of October

that my heart seemed to require

I'm out of my teeny weiney little mind for sending

this to you

but this was something that I had to do

of course I bet before I even sent it to you

you knew it would be there

some collection of misplaced words

for even though you think I'm a slut puppy

now you know I still care

I can't seem to stop

for you, there are not any well described thoughts

to explain just how I feel

all I know is at the time to me those feelings were

very very real

these feelings held priority over business I know you

find this hard to swallow

sometimes I wish in your footstepsI could follow

I refuse to confess just whom I was with that single

stolen night

all I can say is that when he held me he pushed  away all my loneliness and made things feel almost right

the thing is my heart somehow knew that he wasn't you

no matter how hard my traitorous body tried to tell it

what to do

It wasn't just simple sex Mcguire

it was an almost desperation for someone tender to show me that they cared

for just me

why, you know just to get one of your

sweet long kisses

I had to make an eight doe one-sixty in which

you dared

I hurt so bad later that night I felt like

a badly beaten pup

after that cold exchange of words

I went back to my room and for the first time in

years

promptly threw up

for you bartered with and for something you knew

I wanted very much

your love returned

it was wrong to throw that abrupt reality in my face

and take away my one reliable crutch

perhaps I fell in love with you because I was so

suddenly far away from home

no, that's not it

I will always remember you should it be

while the entire world I rome

I love you Mcguire, go ahead and laugh for indeed

it is so so true

It was once said, "Let Dead Dogs lie" but if you let them lie for too long they too often tend to stew

It wasn't the sex I sought

it was more so the closeness that you wouldn't or

couldn't seem to give

all that I am ashamed of though is how bluntly I let it be known

of my undeniable love and admiration for you

I will remember you in the wholeof my entire lifetime

and onward through

so this is a aloha Mcguire, arevaderci and an adios

Goodbye to the man who meant the most.........

(written Nov 8,1987)

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