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NO LONGER (HOW I BEGAN WRITING SO TO CLEAN UP THE MESS INSIDE)
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JOURNAL#3 to expect one's self to be fairly normal
is a strange if not indeed, exasperating task
my umpteen flaws in my mental passages
I hide behind a bubbling personality and
non destructive mask
I don't believe that those who know me have
truly guessed
that behind the smile of this sweet tempered face
lies an unholy, neglected mess
perhaps, these so called poems are finally the
forth coming clean up crew
taking away the mess left behind by myself
and others
may be difficult but I feel it's something I have
to do
this form of magic seems to flow from me like a
river running far above its usual banks
individually, I am not so certain how each penned
poem clearly ranks
is it unhealthy that from myself so much I demand
and expect
so far though it doesn't seem to have any ill effects
that I can count nor detect
but I believe it all boils down to personal differences
one's self identity and respect
within my personal space I no longer feel like an
unwanted intruder or reject
and upon the means I use in the exploring of
my mind I no longer adamantly object
I believe this is all now in order and within
the bounds of being correct
so to leave you now with these few, final
thought provoking words I do so elect
trying to fully understand one's self
is like trying to run up a hill
sure, all of us can do it
but at a much different pace
with determination and will
and besides who would really want to..........
(written May 3,1991 in the am)
