MY SPITEFUL SELF

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JOURNAL#2

being stupid is a favorite past time

I frequently dive into head first

with my vaste previous experience

you think I would have learned by now

how to accept the  worst

I am a petulent child in need of a good

sound spanking

maybe for my narrow escape

it is him I should be thanking

how do you stop loving someone

even if the person in question

is perpetual scum

there must be an easy way

to put these tender thoughts of you

out of my ungated gray

I have a need to fulfill

it will be taken care of in this poem

if I have the correct skill

if I could have one wish it would be

simply to have a man be in love with me

even if it were only for a blessed week

I so desperately wish to know this man now

of which I so skepticly speak

for someone so razor witted and intimidating

you would think this nasty pot shot at my ego

wouldn't be quite so deflating

as I become mentally and emotionally stronger

my poems in verse become more mature and much

longer

to what would Freud say as to why every time

I am in an absolute rage

I vehemently take out my frustration and anger  

on this pitiful murdered tree

known more commonly to us as the printed page

with my pertinent private thoughts safely secured behind the walls of indifference

to this sore souled subject I'll no longer make

reference............

(written June 16,1991)


Author's Notes/Comments: 

yet another all too confusing crush. Can't even begin to guess now just whom it is about. too many buckets of tears under the bridge so to speak!

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