Author Information
THE TOURNIQUET OF SNEEZES
Folder:
JOURNAL # 41 he told me my work
seemed to be
'The Tourniquet Of Sneezes'
perplexed by his comments
my neck did jerk
wobbling my startled eyes
around to face him
elaborate upon your comments
I beseeched verily
sighing with much pause
he then enunciated
you postulate in a flood
swift, sweet, fierce, fragmented
fervent even
and at times nearly foolhardy
merely grappling with control
as you punch out the cerebral
in choosing rather too
by using ultra little punctuation
when in your flow fully
you often rush by the reader
this invites (when it doesn't annoy)
a second, third and even fourth
read through and subsequent analysis
of the body of work whole
so to better lap up all the layers
being offered
and sort out for ones self
the slightest gist
verses the flesh and tone
organ sculpting of
whatever it is
you are attempting to convey
your brilliance detonates itself
only to dapple in the descent
of any prophetic point...........
(Aug. 22, 2015 956am)
The whole of the whole
Is deep.
Like the ocean
Depths still unexplored.
I can swim
Not afraid to wade in
But how far to go
is the question
About the whole of the whole.
KS
Sometimes deep is good
bravo lovely poem and just for your information
deep is always good. I mean come on think about the alternative perpetual shallowness when you have perpetual shallowness you are left with what something like a Kardashian? rolls eyes please no anything but that winks big............sincerest thanks, M.
Criticism Can Be A Blessing
No two people see art identically, but a good set of fresh eyes on abody of work could lead to stepping outside a pattern. I welcome all comments, even criticisms (few here usually - I have odd god concepts in poetry and get heck for it occasionally, recently called "politically correct" over being a strict biblical constructionist). I doubt my views will change or my intention to bring down spirts higher or depressed to an even state - we've all been there. Would your "gentleman" look at my work and send me a note? I like seeing my odd view through other eyes and he has a flair for gutting out the selfishness and the didactic. :D ~Stella
.
yes I totally agree with you Stella and frankly I loved
what all my friend had to say. I didn't find fault with any of his words I knew as he was talking a poem would come to me near verbatum of his comments. It was quite an eye/ear opener to have such comments so openly non judgmentally given to me. He made me a better poet I believe by sculpting most precisely a pretty accurate outline of my character in poetry. I don't think he goes on line he's an elderly man I use to take care of and now I just stop by and visit him every so often. He will occasionally ask me for some poetry to read so I'll print him up some. He sold insurance for years and has been retired longer than my own mother now. I never dreamed how insightful and well read he was not until we really got to talking he is one of those slow to peel onions sort of people. I'm glad I didn't give up on my peeling. I always recall mommy saying still waters run deep and that fits him to a T. You might send emmenay a message I'm sure he would take a read of your work he is good at critiquing and he's a very talented poet. I've been friends with him for years on here. You will find comments he has writ in my poems and you can click on his id through one of those comments of his and write to him there. That would be my best suggestion. Hope I've helped your poem pal M.