sometimes
my stomach lips
in an uncomfortable
nauseating way
when I hear your name
whispered through my mind.
sometimes
I can't help but smile
when you do something silly
and I can't help but frown
when you're listening to sad songs
and letting them get you down.
sometimes
I cringe
when I think about how far things went -
I kick myself
for slipping into 4-wheel drive so quickly.
sometimes
I almost wish
we never met
especially since
neither one of us is ready for this mess.
sometimes
I wish things were different
inside out
and all around,
like our lives were etch-a-sketches
so I could shake it up
and start over again
trying to make a prettier picture.
sometimes
I just want to be around you
beause you make me smile
and make me forget.
You didn't fill the void.
It just somehow disappeared.
but sometimes
I almost wish it was there again
so I had something else to obsess over
instead of where the hell I stand.
But mostly,
mostly I grin
with stupid, soothing happiness
contentment
because
it's been a long time since I had someone I could count on
and I always enjoy spending time with you.