PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

With all of this I know now

all the things I've done in life

experiences

memories

lessons not quite learned

mistakes never grown from

It all just goes to show how

nothing I know changes me

and shamelessly

I go on living

to try and start something new.



With all of this I feel –

everything inside of my heart

I never try to feel

it just happens –

always ends up

tearing me apart.

Another moment trying to control it

but all I want

is to have it beaten out of me.



Again I wait for this to fill the holes

a pen on paper

or drugs beneath my skin

and all the times I fell –

crashed

into despair

Did I ever ask for help when I should have

or did I turn to the substance

that I knew would hurt me more?

it never mattered how far

I was losing myself

as long as I could camouflage my face

to look content, as always,

if I pretended to myself,

I was fine.



Just one more night in this Hell I created for myself

and I'd swear to atone for my sins

but by day's end

the excuse to keep going

was too tempting to resist.

Another night I spent with someone else

another day longing for his touch

for years I lived in denial

of the fact everyone else could see

So I'd sip my drink

and drug myself with

memories

and hope

because I never wanted to admit that

I am always wanting you.