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the full title of this poem is this:



Fanning the Fire:

Ode to the life of a Crazy Irish girl sho is passionate about AIDS research



Part A: Who am I?

I lead a roller coaster life

complete with steady inclines and rapid falls

to an almost manic happiness

and a depressingly low depression.

I’ve been abandoned and forgotten

broken, beaten, and raped –

or was it?

I’ve been scoffed at, laughed at, poked at,

tickled to the point of tears and slapped to the point of laughter.

You may know me

(some call me Red Devil)

I am the girl who sits in the front of the classroom with all her friends in the back

because I’m so damn ADD that I can’t concentrate if the chalkboard isn’t two feet away.

I am the girl who dresses up for Harry Potter movie premiers

and cries when the last book comes out.

I go through my own fads of wanting to be

Jewish, a rock star, a tattoo artist

NO!

This time I really mean it, I’m going to be a surgeon!

or a dancer…

Maybe I’ll make it into the Broadway musical of Rent!

Forget the fact that I’m a self-proclaimed

Pagan

lazy, good-for-nothing, Crazy Irish Girl

who can’t stand the sight of blood

and has shaky hands.

I barely sing on key half the time…

I dye my hair red

Revlon shade 42

and it would be down to my waist if only my mother would let me grow it out.

My eyes are green

not hazel

or brown

but you have to get really close to notice.

I’m pale as paper

but lack the freckles I was blessed with as a child.

I keep my nails short out of habit

and their inability to grow past my fingertips.

I crack every knuckle that will crack

and therefore suffer a small case of arthritis.

I love wearing hats, but never get past the door

before they annoy me and I throw them back into my bedroom.

I shower every single day and brush my teeth constantly,

and I rarely leave the house with more than a single coat of mascara as my “makeup”.

I wear mostly black or green

sometimes both

and my closet is arranged according to color.

I never match my socks

and I abuse the Hell out of my shoes

and if I didn’t have to

I would never do laundry.

I would just buy more pants…



Part 2: Occurrences of a Lifetime

When I was two my parents divorced

because of me?

maturity?

another woman?

…and while they were fighting in Desert Storm

or helping heal the wounded

I lived with my grandparents

who sang me to sleep

with soft

Turaluralurah’s

and defiant mocking birds.

When I was four my mother met a great man named Daniel

who saved me from a future void of love.

And exactly one day after I turned five

the three of us got married.

We promptly moved to Germany

where I quickly learned the language

and acted as a translator for my parents.

I remember fighting with Tobias

until one day I almost “broke” my knee

and he walked me home

holding my hand while crooning comforting German words until I stopped crying.

A few years later we moved back to the states

and I made friends with the skinny Jewish boy next door

and the Catholic girl down the street.

Lauren was my first best friend

but she moved to Michigan just two weeks before we left for South Carolina

and I never got her letter.

While my dad was in Maine, trying to find a way to save his marriage

my Mother, Brother, and I packed up our lives

to go and live with our cousins…

For years I was compared to their

Beauty, Intelligence, Talent…

You name it, they were better

until finally

money troubles forced us to move to a small town

in the middle of nowhere

just like we like it

called Munford

where I made no friends at all…

Then one day a short girl on the bus let me sit beside her

instead of in the back

with all the mean and nasty highs schoolers.

Back then I had magazine cutouts of Orlando Bloom

taped inside my locker –

which caused a random girl named Sarah to march right up to me and say:

“Are you the girl who’s psychotic about Orlando Bloom?”

(true story)

I spent the night at her house after going to a ballroom dance party

and we’ve been Partners In Crime ever since.

As a freshman I met this crazy girl with spiky hair

who introduced me to her Japanese fetish.

I dated a guy who toyed with me for six months

then as a rebound

a neo-Nazi skinhead ASS

but after about three days I realized

“damn…this guy is R-A-C-I-S-T!”

Needless to say, that “relationship” ended abruptly.

That summer I hung out with an older girl

whose name was Kaedi

but I call her Nyxie.

She was a bad influence (but I turned out to be a worse one)

and still is

in a good way…

Later that year

(the beginning of tenth grade)

I met “the hot new guy”

who I said had pretty teeth.

He called me “Pretty Woman”

and I called him “Hot Josh”

and to this day

we still call him that in my house…

That year at a festival

I met a crazy cook cat with dreadlocks and lip rings.

He helped me through a lot

including my faith

and before I knew it

I was a

SUPERCHRISTIAN!

Until the guy dated me…

and Casea…

and J-Bird…

and Heather…

and whats-her-face-from-the-seven-dollar-socks-concert…

All. At. The. Same. Time.

After that breech in trust

and an almost fist-fight with my Mother

I lost my faith

and was stranded in the middle of my adolescence

with no idea

where to go

or what to do

so I called a friend

for some ridiculous reason

and lost my childhood

unwillingly

to that asshole who didn’t care…

Exactly a week later I was forced on a blind date with a short wannabe “Jedi”.

We played Lazertag and I threw a pretzel at him

and just like that

I was thrust into the…worst?

whirl-wind romance a 16 year old could ask for.

For a year he treated me like an object –

a pretty thing that need to be placated

because if he said “I love you”

I ignored the other things he said and did.

I went to Ole Miss

the summer of my Junior year

and met tons of amazing people.

Thank goodness for myspace

because otherwise

we wouldn’t keep in touch…

After two months in college

I came back home and started my last year of high school.

For a while I was miserable

because of…everything…

the silence of my house –

the lack of sounds from twelve teenagers

all trying to play the same video game…

and I hated the relationship I was in.

After a few months of torturous depression

I left him

and found something new…



Part III: And So It Begins…

“Hot Josh” and I finally got together

after two years of wishful thinking

it was

about

damn

time.

I got accepted to a great school

and some money to go with.

I’ve made new friends

and solidified old friendships that needed renewals.

I remember feeling like

the steering was out in my life…

But now?

I have taken control.

I’m not just driving.

I’m dominating the highway!

and someday

I’m going to be among the best of the best.

Red Devil 2.0

Ashlee Tierney.

Remember it.

Because you’ll be hearing that name again soon…



El Fin.