Author Information
How i feel
Been feeling depressed and lost. I lost my girl and my family. She tells me its a different kind of family now... and its true but I hate it. I see people as families and it makes me sad because I was proud to be like that. It wasn't perfect but it was close to perfect in my eyes. Brittany was harsh and mean but I still loved her and wanted it to work. I still do now. Seeing her and the kids walk away with Keith was one of the most horrible feeling s in my life. I felt replaced. I was jealous of him, I was always so proud to be the one in his shoes. The one to push the stroller or carry Gregory. I am ashamed to admit that its my fault I'm not there... because I didn't know how to show my pride to Brittany. But I'm only 22. I know that there must be another woman out there as good as Britt who will want me, and I hope she finds me. If she does, maybe I can try again. To have a family and do things right. I know I can do it right this time, I know what it is I didn't wrong. Britt has moved on and I must too. Its shitty as fuck but I don't even know if I could go back to her at this point... would it be worth it to risk going through all this again to try if she asked me? Maybe. I need to fix myself before I can even think of that though. I'm not fit for her or the kids right now. I failed... I just need to figure out how to make my failure a success. They say everything happens for a reason, and I know good will come of this one way or another... I just want her to miss me. To want me. But I'm not good enough for that right now. I lost my charm... I lost myself. Where did I go?
