Author Information
Pushing Everyone Away
Folder:
my poems I push you away
but you still come back
everyday we fight
yet still you stick around
I don’t understand why
it doesn’t make sense
anyone else would have left by now
but your still standing there
asking me to care
asking me to love
to love myself enough to save myself
begging me to care about myself
but I don’t
I don’t care about me
and I deffinantly don’t love me
why should I
I mean up until now no one else has
sure you care now but it’s a little to late
there is just to much damage
you can’t fix it all
no one can
and I sure as hell can’t do it on my own
it’s just not possible
it’s not like flipping a switch
everything doesn’t just go away
sure I may hide it sometimes
but I’m tired of hiding it
I don’t want to anymore
and I can’t anymore
I can’t sit here and pretend anymore
it’s not worth it
it’s not worth my effort anymore
but as soon as th real me shows herself
as soon as the mask comes off
everyone jumps down my throat
out of nowhere everyone attacks
everyone suddenly cares
everyone suddenly wants to help
but I can’t handle this either
I don’t want everyone on my case
yes I ate
no I haven’t hurt myself
no I’m not getting thinner
I’m fine
I said I’m fine just go away
leave me alone
please go away
please leave me alone
stop asking questions
stop interrigating me
just go away
get off my case
stop it, stop annoying me
that’s it
I want everyone to go away
but to do that I must act
I must act like I’m fine
I must wear my mask of lies
I must start hiding things again
I will act like I’m great
I will act like I’m happy and chipper
you’ll never know the difference
you’ll just think that I’m all better
and I can go back to lying
lying to everyone is what I know
it’s the only thing that I’m good at
so let me do what I know
even if it tears me apart
even if it means that I go back to my old ways
even if it means that I don’t get help
I would rather make you leave me alone
then get help
because I don’t need your help
I don’t nee anyones help
I’m fine on my own
I have been for the past six years
I don’t think that one more year
or even one more month will make a difference
if I’m not dead yet
then I probably won’t be dead tomorrow
or in a month or a year
so let me push you away
as far away as possible
I will push everyone away
this way no one can fight with me
no one can question my every move
no one can worry
I’ll isolate myself
and slowly let myself disintagrate
slowly let myself colapse
but it will be ok
because for all you know
I’ll be healthy
I’ll be fine
