Sometimes you stand in the center of the room,
Eyes fixed to your feet
As I shiver beneath my sheets
And count backwards from one hundred,
Repeat.
Repeat.
Sometimes I am not alone
Though you’re not there
Sometimes I dance,
Eyes closed,
And you sing over my shoulder
The way Mom and I do while making sauce.
Sometimes I think
You are crazy.
You never think about me when I’m out of my mind.
I cry and you are somewhere.
You kept watch over me with
The shaman’s hidden upside down face
That I could not find for years.
Invisible, but I prayed for you this Christmas.