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"Leave me alone"
I love someone, who loved me back. Who wanted me there to love him back. And back I loved, but none recieved. The supposed tainted love, over which he grieved. It was just one flaw, argumentative at that. I didn't mean to, and that was that. I lived in an enviornment that held that quality. I lived and breathed it, as if it always shouted at me.
All I wanted to do was say Im sorry, he couldnt understand that it was almost harry carry. And I wanted him to be there, more than ever, so the words "Leave me alone" went on forever.
I practically pleaded, and begged him to stay, but he had to leave, he said that what his mommy said. But I think he just played a game, and didn't want to talk. Thats pretty bad when he tried to tell the truth and I just wanted to walk.
But why did he do it again? Yes, it happened before. It was once another weekend, like the week before. And He did the same thing, and broke my heart, just because I said something small, so he tore it apart. And left me there, and acted like it wasn't serious. The next day at school he wasn't even quite curious. Except he acted normal, while I was still bleeding. He didn't see the depression, how much I had been pleading. So I tried to explain and as he tried to get up, he practically said the words "I want to break up" And I grasped him tightly, and didn't let him leave, and started to cry....and I just grieved.
He just held me, suddely at that. And said he was sorry and loved me, could you imagine that. But it went on a little longer , and upstairs before class. He told me he loved me, he wouldnt do it again, then he grabbed my ass. And gave me a kiss that sealed it tight, the one that I thought would last forever, or atleast through the night.
Till this very day, when I thought it was all right. He did it again, left just the same, in the middle of the night. I did something wrong, something obviously small but was enough. Don't you think it's wrong for your bf to say "I'll kill people, you better watch out" and act all tough? I took it horribly, and he said it was a joke. Theres was nothing to joke about... but of course he didnt get that.
And that practically started it all, my depression and threat that he might kill me, even know he tried to back his ass up and mess with my head.
And now hes away. at 3:02 am. Probably sleeping and dreaming away. About how I pissed him off because It wasn't done his way. He told me to leave him alone. Should I really do it? HE never gave an extent, should I go through with it? Should I leave him along till he begs or should I not even bother, you know he'll try to run back and I'll just go farther. But he said the words, "Leave me alone" It was a painfull thing to hear, but he said it, that's that. That's ALL I needed to hear. I told him I loved him and he said he loves me back. But the words he spoke means that is that. He wants me to leave him alone. Ok, I will. I'll not talk to him until he signs his will.... but isn't that what he wants, if for me to leave him alone? Isn't that what it means. Not talk to him, not be around him, just leave him to his dreams? Or is it just a tactic..yes I believe it is! To leave to where theres a loophole....thats that it is! And when he comes back, he'll say "I mean just for then" but the question is, will I be there, by the time he wants me back in bed? I'll love him and be there when he says the words, but until then, the world just turns
