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Deceit
Have you ever been deceived by your best friend? I just was. She asked me how my day was going, I said okay and that I was still really stressed out, and then she showed me what she did last night. It was a cut. She has dried blood on her right arm. She is the exact same person who promised me that she would never stoop down to that level. I get depressed all the time. I dont take out my anger by cutting though. I'm sorry if I offend anybody who cuts themselves, butit is totally worth it to me. She PROMISED me that she never would. At least I can keep a fricken promise. I have never broken one, and I have never cut and I swear with every reader of this entry that I never will. I dont know what to think of her anymore. She was my best friend. Now she may not even be worthy of saying hello to. She asked me if I am mad at her. I told her that I dont know. And thats the truth. I really dont know. I think I am. Part of me wants to still be her friend after the fights we've had and after she sold me out to another kid, and part of me wants to do the smart thing and take her out of my life. I can understand if she punched a wall, but she went a little too far on that one. I am beyond angry right now, and I am not gonna get over it any time near soon. There is nothing on the world that could change the way I feel about her at this moment. I wish I could go back in time and stop her from ever doing it. She KNOWS she can always call me if she is stressed out or has a problem. But she took the low road and is on the path to destruction. I am afraid anyway. That is my worst fear, and it always was. Every nightmare I have ever had about her is coming true. I dont know what hurts the worst; the fact that she broke her promise to me or the fact that she didnt even think twice about her dumb decision. If you have a friend who cuts, maybe you can relate. Maybe you ARE the friend who cuts. if so, I am sorry, but that is the dumbest decision to make, next to suicide and an addition to drugs or alcohol or taking your own life or somebody else's. There is npt nearly enough paper in the world to hold my thoughts and feelings, and no amount of time in the free world could let me sit here and type what is going through my upset little head. That being said, I need to go now. Class is almost over and I... well I am out of things to do.
