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I wish I knew me.
I wish I could be someone else.
I don’t know who I even am.
Im different then the others.
I wish for once , I could be the same.
This brain inside my head, tells me lies.
Tells me I want to be dead.
Dead , a word people fear so much.
For me, it sounds like comfort, peace.
Quietness, silence, sounds like family.
Where I get to see the ones I loved once,
More.
For the ones who still live,
Don’t love me like them.
They ignore, they hurt me,
They like to watch me bleed.
Grandma you wouldn’t do me like that.
You would hold my hand and pull me along.
Cook me my favorite meal, tell me to keep moving along.
My brother D, I swear sometimes your my gurdian angel.
You sometimes I swear are pulling me along, just like in life.
You where a angel on earth, nobody deserved you.
I wish you could still be here, I know id never feel alone.
I wish I could be someone else, I wish I could blend in.
I wish that I was cool like all the others, that I was pretty with big boobies.
I wish this hurt didn’t hurt, that my heart would stop beating,
Stop bearing the pain, let it all pour out, like the tears off my face.
The tears pour off my cheeks like the rain off the gutter,
I mutter , I need to love me more.
I need to love me more, the same eyes that cry,
That sheds those tears, has lots of fears. Fears that she
Isnt good enough for anyone, that she doesn’t deserve a thing.
She has to earn it, or she doesn’t deserve it, no dessert for her.
Someone pull me from this place of fear, someone help me be myself.
Nobody can but me, but im so lost saving others, that I cant save myself.
All these years, spent saving others, at the expense of myself, iv lost me,
Question is,
Did I ever even know,
who I am???
