I'm trying to quit being
such a pampered first-worlder
reclining in the lap of lavishness
while my bretheren narrowly escape
the pinched face of death
by merely wishing for the freedoms
I so often take for the granted.
I long for the rigors of discipline
and the comfort of belonging
to something bigger and grander than myself
to save those who protected me
in my malleable formative years
so I could learn the timeless lessons
of which I can pass on to my children
and fulfill the prophecy of all life.
But I know I'll never get the chance.
For I threw away my future
in a moment of psychosis and hate
consumed by the confusion of
a young black mans' dream at redemption
although no lines of temerity had been crossed.
I'll never see the world. I'll never fight for glory.
I'll never be a gear. I'll never write my story.
I'll never see my father again, until my eyes are hoary.