Garden Partay!!!

                        Edward Iacona

I know that names of products

May often be ostentatious.

But, I never thought that packs of seeds

Could also be so salacious.

Varieties mentioned here are real.

And, this is what I think;

Many gardeners and farmers

Must enjoy an earthy wink....

To make my point I'll put these names

In quotes or maybe in italic.

And lay aside the obvious view that

Some veggies look quite phallic.  

There is no doubt that corn

Is known to be nutritious

But what can one say about a corn

That is named "Bi-Licious".

A common trait I'd like to share

From Puberty to my coffin,

Is a link to a certain corn that's

Called "Early and Often".

No homophobia amongst the stalks,

Or none that I have seen,

When one considers there are types

Called "Ruby" and "Silver Queen".

There is an egotistical cucumber

Whose statistics really rate.

I shall envy it's bragging rights

As to being a "Straight Eight"

Virile thoughts of cucumbers

May easily coincide.

When human males at morning

May deal with some "Early Pride"

There is a carrot called "Big Top"

But, a cliche I must repeat...

That size is not a factor so

There's another called "Short and Sweet"

Male prowess proclaims that men

Should try to please and perhaps outlast her.

So their cucumber of choice should be

The one that's called "Bushmaster".

When Popeye eats his spinach his

Rescues of Olive Oyl are less demanding'

But, if he really wants to impress her

There is a type called "Long Standing"

Ah! the popular pumpkin

Famed for Halloween and pie

But the name "Jack O' Lantern"

May be more than meets the eye.

The apostrophe after the O

Stands for "of" I know that's true

But, considering the seed names I've seen

Do they mean one "F" or two?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Inspiration can come from anywhere. This one was inspired by the Garden Department at the local Home Depot.

View moxie's Full Portfolio