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“Fear”

5/8/2016

Fear of Hope,

Fear of Loss,

Fear of Sadness,

Fear of Loneliness,

Fear of Happiness,

Fear of Freedom,

Fear of being Loved,

Fear of Success,

Fear of being abandoned,

Fear of Failure,

Fear of being Homeless.  

That is how I feel as I get my first apartment alone.  The fear of being hopeless and losing. 

I know I have always have had problems with money. And this time it is real. I am really scared for the next chapter in my life. I am scared of Failure and scared of being alone. 

As I saw a homeless man several months ago (and any homeless person for that matter), I feel I am going to be one at some point in my life and be stuck in the box forever and just vanish. That is how I feel of alone. 

I know many people go through this, but because my anxiety, I stress out and my depression worsens which makes me just be alone and not wanting to talk to anyone. 

Which is why I love being around everyone. 

One has to start somewhere and I don't care how old one is to start their new life since is just a number. Doesn't matter if you are 17/18, mid 20s, in your 30s (since I am nearing the 40s), or whenever. (In many many countries, people move out from their parents' home when either they are ready or when married, why not here is beyond me (even that person is 45). I never have understood that). No one is truly ready for my life brings them. But many have steady jobs and a career. Something I have never have had which is why I am truly scared & afraid of what the near future brings me (even if I have wonderful family & friends (some, not all) to help me out).