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Bated Breath

Because I could not stop for Death
I held my breath, I held my breath.
Because I could not give Death wealth
I sacrificed my health.

Because I sacrificed my health
I lost my wealth, I lost my wealth.
I gave away my bated breath
And then I stopped for Death.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The first line is attributed to Emily Dickinson. This poem was written one year ago, for a poetry contest which turned out to be an April Fool's joke! :-)

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last updated 10 November 2011 - 3:10pm
©10 November 2011 - 3:10pm — missmfa
27 December 2011 - 3:28am — running_with_rabbits
running_with_rabbits's picture

I really like the first four

I really like the first four lines, they are so well worded, the next four feel slightly forced for me. Like the first four feel like they were writting you, and the last four were writen by you to match, make sense?

Much Love

Ashley

27 December 2011 - 9:12am — missmfa
missmfa's picture

Interesting observation!

I wrote this poem in about five minutes and I must admit not much thought went into it. It was more of a stream of consciousness poem. Maybe the two verses represent the two opposing sides of me, who knows? :-) Thanks for your comment!

Check out my poetry book - as I write it! http://lostincyberspacepoems.blogspot.com

9 December 2011 - 5:28pm — Adam아담
Adam아담's picture

Clever... I like your

Clever... I like your repetition/rhyming combo.

Cheers,
Adam_San

10 December 2011 - 7:20am — missmfa
missmfa's picture

Thank you!

Hi adam_green. Thanks for your comment. Yes, I'm a big fan of rhymes :-)

Check out my poetry book - as I write it! http://lostincyberspacepoems.blogspot.com