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She had been hurt, more times then she could count. She was sick of the never ending pain, caused by various boys, some that she had once even called her best friend. That’s how everything started for her, always. It went exactly the same way every time. She’d meet the boy, talk to him for a while, then they’d become friends, so she would be hanging out with them a lot more. They would soon form a bond that tied them as best friends, they were always the people she could tell everything to. Then, they would show her some kind of affection, hint towards her that they were attracted to her, some had even told her strait out. But it always ended in hurt. In pain. The pain that she took away with her one solitary companion. Her razor.



First there was Hunter. He had been staying with his sister for the summer when they met. And he had gained her trust. She could tell him secrets and know that no one else would know the next day. That’s what attracted her to him the most. He ended up going out with her cousin, whom she hated from that moment on. Her cousin knew what her feelings for him were, but still insisted in beating her. To her cousin, it was a sick, twisted game. And she won every time.



It happened that he had to go away for the weekend to visit his father, she called him every day, while his girlfriend didn’t call him at all. When he came back, he told her that he realized his mistake, and broke up with her cousin for her. They went out for about a month, during that time period, he went back home. It wasn’t far, only about a half an hour drive. But he soon stopped answering her calls and returning her messages. She was hurt, and she broke it off. They still talk, but rarely do they ever see each other.



Then, there was Chad. She fell hard for this one. Harder then she’d ever fallen before. He had a girlfriend at the time, who was stabbed twice in the stomach, and he spent every day with her in the hospital, but when she was released, he started coming up to see her and her friends more. His girlfriend rarely called him, he often used his phone to call her, and the way he’d talk to her was beautiful, and he was always the sweetest guy, even when she was being a total bitch. He eventually broke it off with her.



They were close to going out, he liked her, and she liked him, but both were too shy to make the first move. And she regretted that later, when he got back with his ex-girlfriend. She cut off all ties with him. She took different routes in the hallways at school, just so she wouldn’t have to pass him. She made her friends, who were mutual friends, quit talking to him. She even gave up her relationship with a very good friend, who was very close to Chad.



And then there was James. She met him one day, when she had contacted her friend Eben. James was Eben’s older brother, and ended up coming with him to see her. He was an older one, she always had a thing for the older ones.



It happened, that he too, in fact liked her back. She would wait up into the late hours of the night for him to get online so she could talk to him. Then he would call her. They seemed to be inseparable, and every one thought they were the perfect couple. But he had a mean nasty side that came out one day when he was drunk and shoved her into the corner of a table because she was blocking the path he needed to take to get to his brother. He wasn’t a very nice drunk.



He seemed to always beat on her, but he did it with the knowledge that she liked to rough-house, but he was stronger, and he hit a little too hard. But even in between all of this, the bad sides of him, and how everyone always put him down, she always seemed to come out loving him. There was one night when they were waiting in the car on their drug dealer with their friends Chuck and Adam. She and Adam had stepped out of the car to smoke a cigarette, and she leaned in to say something to Chuck and was met with a very nasty, “If you don’t shut the fuck up, I swear to God I’ll fucking get out of the car and punch you right in the face.”



She just gave him a nasty look and made Adam sit in between them in the back. He tried to apologize to her afterwards, telling her that she knew he’d never hit her, but she retorted with a, “Save it. You’d hit me without even thinking about it. And it would have been the last thing you would have ever done.” She knew that for a fact. Everyone else in the car hated James, and knew how he was. If he would have hit her, he would have gotten jumped.



They went on little kissing rampages, and fooled around a bit. But she never slept with him, and she’s thankful for that. He too, got back together with an old girlfriend, after basically throwing himself at her. That tore her apart. She hates him now, though she’s still on very close terms with Eben.



And lastly, there was Sam. She had been friends with sam for a while. They had their fair share of fights, but they always seemed to come out friends. It happened one night, he told her she was his best friend. And they started to hang out every day there afterwards. He told a close friend of hers that he liked her.



She had liked his boy since the day she laid eyes on him, but backed off when her best friend told her she liked him, but now that he liked her back, she was free to do what she wanted. But she refused to love. She’d loved too many times before and been hurt.



He too, told her that he liked her, many times. She never believed him though. She wasn’t pretty, and she wasn’t like all the other girls, so in her mind, no body could ever like her. Her feelings started to grow, and no matter how hard she tried to stop them they failed to cease.



She found herself, one day, being stood up by the person who called her his best friend. The person that told her he had liked her. She knew that he still liked her friend, the one she’d backed off for, and that’s half the reason she refused to let her feelings grow. But she found that they were growing rapidly with time, and no matter how hard she tried to stop them, no matter how much she wanted to just think of him as a friend, and no matter who she denied her feelings for him to, they didn’t stop.



And that left her in the pain and despair that she was so used to now. She found an old picture of Chad that night, and cut herself, dripping blood onto his face. She vowed that if she saw him again, she’d give it to him.



The chance for her to see him again, was cut short when she decided to finally end it. Her life had been dragged out far too long, and there was way to much hurt in her heart for it to be mended, and she very well wouldn’t live with a broken heart. So she flipped her wrist over, and curled her tiny fingers into a ball, watching for the main vain to pop up above all the rest. It was then when she did it. Finally, after a long wait, she had enough courage to do what she’d been longing to do. She sliced open the vain that connected with her heart, watching as the blood spilled from her arm onto the floor. She smiled as she fell back into darkness.



And that’s where you’ll find everybody that ever mattered to her. Standing in scattered places in the room where she now lay, dressed in black like she always was.  She might not have been beautiful, she might not have been thin, she might have been a bitch sometimes, but she had a lot of friends.



And they are all there. Hunter, Chad, James, and Sam. James is probably in the corner, faking a breakdown to advert all the eyes to him. Hunter is probably standing by her casket, with his head bowed in respect, remembering all the kisses they shared. Chad is probably shying away from everybody else, wishing to get a moment of silence, away from the loud sobs emitting from the room. And Sam is probably hugging her mother, trying to comfort her in any way he can.



As for the rest of the people that loved her, they’re scattered around the room, hugging and crying, and wishing they could have helped her. But the truth is, that only she could have helped herself, and she, always the stubborn one, refused her own help and took the easy way out.