PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

There was one thing Marlaina knew about Freedom, it lived within her. That sweet serendipitous sensation lingered within her no matter where she went.  Loneliness was kin, but she embraced the solitude within as though it were her new best friend comforting her on the quietest days. Born and raised in the suburbs of Upstate New York, the first 18 years of her life now felt like a blur. Nine years had passed by since the seperation of the only family she ever knew. Her grandparents' had provided her with their place to stay after graduation, but it wasn't even three weeks after moving in with them that they proceeded to leave state for her grandmother's next medical procedure. She believed her grandmother's health would be in the right hands considering they were traveling to South Carolina to have the next operation done by the highest recommended surgeon in the states. This was easy to accept considering Marlaina had a fascination with the capabilities of  human beings and their ability to discover enhancements to modern medicine, and scientific breakthroughs. At the time she had been working under a reknowned Neurosurgeon, Dr. Briar Carnagie at S.U.N.Y. in Department 8 Neurosurgery Research; this was a privilege by happens chance and a good word by her childhood neighbor whom knew of her passion and wanted to help get her foot in the door with the big leagues. This successful opportunity lasted 5 months before one of the college students found a way to embezzel a copious amount of funds, which therof was the beginning of the end for so many long term research employees. That being said, young working apprentices like Marlaina  didn't stand a chance of employment beyond the new year with the drastic changes and lack of funds to be distributed. This information didn't hit the general public until 2 years later when her grandmother sent her the newspaper article, explaining the situation of so many's misfortune. Without any other form of employment or intercollegiate studies, Marlaina found herself creating her own at home routine for the rest of December. Waking up at 8:20 am she would indulge in a fresh hot pot of coffee, a sweet mandrain orange, and she'd turn on CMT and listen to the weekly top 40 until 10 am. Once the countdown was over she'd get herself dressed for the day take a look outside and decide what to do next. Considering the fact that it was the peak of winter and Onondaga's lake effect snow practically made the decision for the whole city, Marlaina's extracurricular activities were limited to staying inside playing the piano, writing poetry, listening to music and drawing. Friends were few after graduation, most of her spare time was spent at the local barns riding horses with her friends but there was no way she'd take the chance driving those roads alone. God forbid anything happened she didn't have anyone to call that she truly knew would come through.  It was late December and sure enough this weather lead into the great snowfall of 2011, it snowed 111 inches whin the first 11 days of January. She knew it was up to herself to create her own happiness on a day to day basis, and the warmth of her grandparent's home seemed to be the safest oasis. The event of her parent's divorce was tragic to her but she knew she was better off than some others; it was easier for her to accept that romanticism may not last, but the love they had for her in return always would. Her childhood home had been up for sale since the spring and for some reason she couldn't figure out, each parent fled over two hours in different directions and going with them wasn't part of their greater plan. The querencia within drove her into a bittersweet maddness: to take on the word and follow her heart. Even if she had to do it alone, fear and sadness couldn't stand in her way. There was too much worth living for, a silver lining coated her heart of gold and encouraged her to take on what some may call "irrational" dreams. Thoughts of leaving the state and living in a new place filled her mind, dreaming of a place and time where she could take this solitude and be with her horse once more. After her grandmother was cohesive enough after surgery to communicate, the e-mails of these newfound dreams and goals began to express themeslves. With thoughts and visions of waking up to the roosters' crow, the donkey's bellow and visiting her horse everyday, Marlaina was one decision and action away from leaving and when her grandmother realized how determined Marlaina was, this was a decision within that nobody could change. By the end of January, her grandparents had returned home safely and booked a week long trip to Louisville, Kentucky where Marlaina could for the very first time leave the state and bring life to these dreams she'd soon call reality.

A couple weeks passed before her first visit to the bluegrass land. Word got around to her family and support starting coming from every angle. Her grandparent's planned the trip for late January early February (just in time to celebrate her grandmothers birthday and start the new year in a whole new way). Upon their arrival, Marlaina's uncle reached out and suggested visiting a 3 mile long town on the outskirts Louisville, in hopes that Marlaina would take a business opportunity working at a linen factory he had affiliation with. The irony of working in a hospial and then cleaning the linen in a factory for one was quite a drastic change- but exactly the opportunity Marlaina happened to take.

***

Watching the hawk fly in the distance over the golden wheat fields of Kentucky, the sweet smell of honeysuckle carried in the breeze. Something about watching a lone bird fly made Marlaina feel at home. She may have been alone she was never lonely, not when there was such untamed beauty in nature living as free as her. Comella threw a buck as Marlaina pushed her 17.3hh Thoroughbred mare into a canter, weaving in and out of the corn fields' rows onto the worn down trail of grass and back towards the woods again. Marlaina grew more giddy with every stride as they approached each fallen tree branch. All it took to jump anything in sight was the thought of her last trainer in NY, Lindy Brewster. She'd school the two of them every week for a year and during their best lessons she'd be yellin' "GO FOR IT" (regardless of whatever "it" was); she and her pomeranian Phoebe were always so jovial and full of zest as they stood in front of the schooling jumps, ready to change the course, raise the bar and set up more. They'd stand in front of each jump, it wasn't until every last stride when Lindy would step aside, sometimes Phoebe would too, but that pup was used to all the show jumping Lindy used to do. Marlaina and Comella grew accustomed to jumping things like pvc poles, coups, logs, creek streams and well, the occassional lazy dogs. That woman was crazy, but just the right amount, the kind of crazy that would give you a biology lesson during your horse-backriding lesson and leave you realizing it's all the same when you work with both your heart and brain. The memories left goose shivvers on Marlaina's arms, spreading down to her toes as she'd sink her weight into her heels, get into her two-point position and holler to her mare "LET's GO!" She couldn't help but laugh. They soared with grace, wind whipping through her horse's mane. Moments like this were worth living for. Marlaina never imagined after moving to a new town where she hadn't known a soul around- a day in the life could feel like this.

  The beauty in just being herself, fullfilled that vision of that "fairytale reality" other's insisted on shattering. She realized that's their loss really. Nothing could compare to the intrinsic happiness of a free-flying unbridled spirit fullfilling those visions that lived within. It was mid-July, and the woods were thick of rich green leaves, and thanks' to the occasional rainfall water was high in the lakes and streams. If ever Marlaina had a day off work, this was exactly where one would know her to be. She pointed Comella through the thick of the woods towards the echoing stream. Sure-footed and with a steady seat, they made it to an opening that lead to the most breath-taking scene. The creek flowed about 3 ft deep and continued hidden in the woods as far as the eye could see. Comella loved these rides, Marlaina could tell by the way the ol' mare pulled at the bit ready to jump on in. They began into the water, high as her hocks Comella began to trot. Giving her the reins, Marlaina took a deep breath in and exaled- releasing her boots from the stirrups, she stretched her arms and legs open wide, soaking in the sun that illuminated through the break of trees and into her sky blue eyes. Posting on the saddle as her horse carried on, she regained her seat and looked within the water to see the crawdads scurring about. Minnoes jumped in the forthcoming distance as every next hoofbeat created a new path. Marlaina couldn't help but laugh. 

  After returning to the barn, untacking her mare, and sending Mella back out to pasture, Marlaina headed back to her truck and took those ol' backroads back home. Not long after stepping in the door she recieved a phone call from her boss (the lead vet) at the local equine hospital Marlaina worked at; he called to tell her about the next day's task. Marlaina was informed about a Florida vet that would be arriving in the state to subsitute for the next week and it was Marlaina's opportunistic task to take the farm call Cadillac to the airport and pickup this new DVM who will be overseeing the clinic for the next week. Little did Marlaina know- this one small task in her everyday routine was but one damn big leap into the greatest plot twist of her life. Monday arrived and sure enough Marlaina did as she was asked and arrived right on time, 11 am, at the Bowman field airport in Louisville. Driving back to the clinic, Marlaina was informed that her excellent work drive and passion with the horses had been boasted about. Just a young vet tech, with no college experience, expecting to just shovel horse maneur at this clinic, had somehow become brag worthy... enough that Dr. L.J.M. DVM had quite the proposal for her. After his 32 years of his travels and long talks with Marlaina's employer at the Equine Hospital in a small town Kentucky, Marlaina was offered the opportunity of a lifetime. Oh, and was she crazy enough to say "Yes" without thinking twice. 

  It was mid October, 3 years after living on her own in Kentucky, when Marlaina had gone into the local post office with just 2 forms of ID and a big dream to take on this opportunity. When Marlaina handed the paperwork over to the office teller, a wave of confusion washed over her when she heard the words "Honey, this ain't your birth certificate, where's your momma's name, wheres's your dad's name, and what town were you born in? Come back when you have the original copy and then I'll point you in the right direction to get your passport." Her heart sank, callling her grandmother, Marlaina was confronted with a truth she'd never expect. Talk about the plot twists in this young girls' life! How much could one take while living on her own and finding out truths that altered the only reality she'd ever known? Well, A LOT. And nothing was going to stop this fire-hearted spunky passionate girl. Another two weeks passed and Marlaina walked back into that post office with a 5x6 yellow piece of paper identifying her name, her mother's name, and the name of a man who wasn't the one that raised her those first 18 years before leaving New York and moving to Kentucky. The postal woman smiled and said "there ya go hun, now you're set to go wherever life takes you." Perhaps it was where life wanted to take her, or perhaps it was where God intended for her to go.

  Another 4 months later and Marlaina had said goodbye to the only boyfriend she'd ever loved, said goodbye to her horse Comella, the one key to her happiness she'd ever held on to, and her ol' Kentucky home. Marlaina was supported without question by her family, again, because they knew her passion ran deep like wild horses galloping into the sunset of the bluegrass land; unbridled like her spirit, lead and protected by God's love- they had no say in changing her heart or mind. Marlaina boarded her first plane on Delta Flight DL1584 from Louisville to Atlanta, Atlanta Flight KL622 to Amsterdam and from there onto her last flight transit flight that arrived in Cairo, Egypt. Amidst the adventures and traveling endured, this was Marlaina's first time flying. Sixteen hours of flights and additional layovers could have sent the average 21 year old over the edge with anxiety. It wasn't too bad for Marlaina considering the joy she found in sharing her talent of speaking in foreign languages, she'd just about talked to everyone around her seat in english, french and spanish, and on the way back- she'd share her arabic. Arriving in Egypt wasn't nearly the shock she'd expected, instead, it was a thrill. Eid, Doc and his wife arranged for a ride picking up Marlaina at the airport after dark. The street were illuminated by lights, lanterns and life everywhere. "You see that water there?" Asked Doc... "Yes" "Don't fall in there or else you'll be in De'Nile." Marlaina smiled, it took a minute to realize the joke he'd made, the city was beyond anything she'd ever seen, and surely much different than the 3 mile long town she'd been living in while in Kentucky. For 2 months Marlaina worked with DVMs from the states to Cairo. Experiencing more than her eye's have ever seen.  The heat was hot, the sun was always shining, and each day stepping onto her private penthouse balcony she'd be sure to check the weather by seeing if she could count the bricks on the pyramid. Her day to day was speaking in tongue languages she barely knew she was so able to read and speak so fluently. It was as though every farm owner she'd met had some form of international studies in the horse world. From meeting the worlds greatest purebred Arabian horse breeder, and eating meals at 7pm every night for Ramadan with families that dined traditionally, Marlaina always had the opportunity to learn something new, share her adventure stories and quite simply embrace the present moment. There was a farm call about everyday (depending on if there were mishaps with the brotherhood, some days she'd just stay at the suite and listen to what could be gunshots or fireworks- neither of which really scared her). From surgeries to breeding, fancy dining and touring a good radius of Cairo, Marlaina surely got her fair share of experiences. Doc had good connections with some elite folks. He and his wife were quite the catch in this part of town, very well known and just about anything they saught to see or do was accomplished. Marlaina was learning arabic slowly, and stuck to basic conversations with the locals. Enough that she wouldn't talk herself into trouble or unnecessicary tours. She did that on her own. Walking Giza Street was quite the hoot at night time. Marlaina would get home from the day's work to the sound of bongo's pounding in the distance, the sight of fireworks going off on rooftops and the pyramid view from her balcony always showed the neon lights illuminating Khufu's Pyramid. What was a walk aroud the block when there was so much to experience? One time Marlaina drank a sweet mango tea with the "mayors son".. that could have been a flattering way to get a chat with this american, but it worked enough to put a smile on her face and enjoy a fresh drink. Another time, the walk around the block led to a shopping spree; surprisingly enough, there was just as much lingerie as there were hiijabs. That view always humored Marlaina. But she'd never forget the one trip about town that really resonated with her. Down at the point of the street where the two lanes merged on either side of her apartment building, there was a tiny corner store, with viles filled of unknown scripture and the radiance of the most beautiful aroma. Franke from the corner cigar sports bar spoke to Marlaina of the "Pyramid Power" others' had raved about. Apparently he wrote a book and told Marlaina many of the myths and beliefs the locals had. Religion wasn't much interst to her but the presence of history and the stories that went along with it really awakened her belief and faith. So, being a believer with a good heart and strong intuition, she followed him to the corner store of aromas. There was this form of "meditation" they did. It was just Marlaina and a local and some oil that was put on her forehead. They said "this will awaken your dreams, you will see and feel the beauty and knowing from all times". He proceeded to sit in her presence as he spoke in broken english of past lives, spirit guides and angels that protected Marlaina in this life, life's prior and the reality yet to come. At the moment it was just a relaxing sit down with a local speaking of foreign dreams and beliefs as the sun set and cars filled the streets. Beautiful experience to say the least. Though, truth seemed to follow that experience. The next two weeks Marlaina's imagination seemed to run wild. Her experiences seemed to broaden and her ability to connect with her newly discovered sister in Florida seemed to create a strong bond. By July 15th, Linny's birthday had Marlaina spending time roaming the night life and Cairo's streets, recording "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" from her Nikon video camera and taking pictures with locals learning new words and avenues to turn. Work was stable, Doc and his wife always had an adventure for the three of them. Oh the places they'd go! And Oh the memories Marlaina would withold. Touring the underground catacombs was beyond risky, but from one to another, the souveniers of limestone and granite from the pyramids were surely worth the desert walk. A good 3-liter of water lived in a crochet'd bag Marlaina made and took with her everywere she went. Her health stayed strong. Strong like the way the pyramids stood over centuries of time. Two months of working and living in the present moment; waking up on that 10th story balcony overseeing pyramids and the beautiful proof of unexplained history soon became images and experiences Marlaina would hold dearly. They say "If you can make it to the center of Khufus pyramid, and stay completely quiet and still, you will feel and hear this low resonating humming and God-like energy. Surely this was an experience of truth. A private tour of the pyramid was beyond a blessing considering it was Ramadan and everyone wanted to stay home and rest or pray; but with a couple extra euros and spoken words, Marlaina got to experience that anyway. This was life changing. Day to day life that summer was waking up to such a view of history's energy she now felt so connected to. Drinking 1 liter of Aquafina bottled water, enjoying the exquisite taste of local harvested mangos, and giving the skins to the bellady stray dogs that stayed by the parking lot around the corner of her apartment doors was but the daily delicacy. Each day she and the vets' would go out on their farm calls, performing what the locals called miracles- thanks to american technology and medicine, and then coming back to that penthouse suit where she'd sit upon that 10th story balcony and write. Writings' to a family she never knew she had seemed to fill her notepad. As the weeks progressed, there was one more dream Marlaina desired next. Knowing if she could make it from one state to the next, then to another country, no fear could stop her from meeting the man on the paper, her sisters and their side of the family. Bliss lived in the presence of the present moment. There were two unforgettable experiences Marlaina risked her life to endure. Standing alone on that 10th story balcony overseeing the pyramids and locals walking the streets about, Marlaina stood upon the plastic chair and leaned onto the balcony and sang. She sang to the top of her lungs in her own tongue (a Jessie-J song, Who You Are) making locals look up and see her crazy spirit holler out loud. They say "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" and at the time, nothing but this freedom mattered to Marlaina. One free fall from death and there she stood, singing beauty with each breath. Some applaud, some shared word and wondered if her mind had been in a fog- but Marlaina knew the truth. There was pyramid power, and it had touched her. She had the strength to believe- in so much more, and lived to share the stories once more.

The last week was surely a memory to keep; Doc, his wife and Marlaina went to a local friends mansion and farm to spend time partying, chatting watching polo matches and horseback riding. Kary, Sarah, Hannah and a couple other girls invited Marlaina out for a ride she'd never forget. Dragonfly. Boy did he fly. A picture's worth a thousand words, but the legend of this experience is always felt so much deeper with the smile than heard. Marlaina knew this was the reason. This was the reason she left New York, the reason she let go of love to cherish anew love within, the reason she'd spent 10 years training Comella, and the reason she rode across the desert on a horse with a name. "Don't tell me we just gallop the desert from here!" "If I said that, I'd be lying!" Dragonfly, and did he fly. Sinking her weight into her heels, a new image to remember for every next ride filled her mind "GO FOR IT! Let's Go!"  Laughter and bliss filled the light and energy around Marlaina, galloping across the Saharah Desert, riding with a half a dozen locals, taking pictures in front of the pyramids at the 'Tea Tent', seeing the camel rides she'd also got to experience- going on in the distance. This was freedom. This was the truth behind believing "Everything Happens For A Reson".

***

  It was a solid 88 degrees with humidity in Fort Myers, Florida where Marlaina and her niece enjoyed that sweet summer breeze. Linny sat back smiling upon their dad's deck watching Marlaina and Ella-Lynn swim, laughing and pretending they were sharks and 'gators in the water. Dad and his wife fixed a fresh grilled meal, fruit salad and prepped the back patio table for the family to sit. Marlaina's sisters, niece, nephew and step brother came to join as well as a couple of their local friends. Florida was nice, as was the warmth and welcoming this whole family beared. Six years and one plot twist after another, Marlaina still had the fire in her soul to fuel happiness and wore her smile as if it were her strongest piece of armour aquired. No damage came from the beauty and love of this new abundance of family. In fact, the rest of Marlaina' family from New York to Indiana and Florida just grew a love stronger over time. She'd spent the spring after Egypt living in her family's in-law suite, getting to know everybody. After a year of staying with family and getting into the competition and education aspect of dog grooming, Marlaina embraced her gifts and skills like a dry sponge soaks up water. Every experience, every friendship gained or lost, the feeling that had come or been gone, Marlaina recorded in her journals. The simple childhood hobby grew to be a part of her. Every goal and dream she set out to achieve as a possibility came into fruition. Years later, Marlaina became quite known in a good radius of Florida. From live spoken word events, hanging out at kava bars, meditation and yoga practice, playing her yamaha DGX660 keyboard live and singing like a fool- Marlaina lived like she had nothing to lose. Soon she'd discovered the intrinsic beauty of that truth. Two years after Egypt and moving in with her family, the most insane goals of them all came true. Marlaina spoke her truth. After sleepless nights, love yearned, love lost, bridges burned, and success at whatever the cost- Marlaina embraced her life. 500 steps from the wild waters, and beach view, Marlaina soon found herself in quite the delicate routine. Waking up to the salt-water breeze, making a fresh cup of coffee, listening to personal devolpment youtube stories, she'd open her living room blinds that ranged from one wall to the other, open her door and let the light shine through her whole apartment. Her cat meow had been with her a year now, and knew this routine quite well. After Marlaina did her yoga and round trip walk to the water and back, they'd go out onto that screened in balcony and..well... just be. Marlaina was free. Free from her past, free from love that hurt or didn't last, free from the doubt that used to live within, and free to be all of whom she wanted to be.

***

  Florida felt like forever as every day was a new memory; but Marlaina's time spent there lasted only 3 years before the country life called her back home. This time, coming back to the country lands of Indiana and Kentucky, Marlaina was a different person. She'd expressed her truth, confronted herself and all that she knew she could do. With family members new and old, friends that stayed and friends that were let go- Marlaina felt as though she conquered herself. 8 Months before moving to cornbelt country, mudding with jeeps, side-by-sides as the casual rides, 4-wheelers and lil dune buggies tearin up the roads, shootin pistols and fishin' off the side of the road, coming home to her childhood family she was home to her happiness in the saddle of a horse who she'd loved indefinitely. Everyday a new beginning, every new dog grooming at work a happy melody worth singing, every friend with a new memory bringing- happiness within- Marlaina had shared a very special gift. In 6 different states and 2 countries (thanks to friends, family and pen-pals) Marlaina released her truth, her story. With the goal to help at least one person other than herself, her self-created, self-edited and self-published electronic and paperback book left an impact. These ELEMENTS created the foundation of who Marlaina truly was.  There was more than just one person that learned her story, there was more than just one friend, more than just one family member and more than just herself that she changed the lives of.  Every season brought new reason to grow- growing fonder and stand up for each other and choose to live healthier and longer. Every painting a release of who she used to be. Every live piano event singing kareoke sounded like a canary set free. Every writing the most beautiful of poetry. Every new book a relase of who she used to be. Every new adventure embraced with grace. Every day walking with faith and God's grace. Every reconnection, and love to a man she knew could protect and provide for a family blessing, she as a hopeful romantic saught to see the reason for everything, find acceptance and faith and just be. Every moment became worth remembering the memory. She was wild. Everything about her was wild, her hair, her heart, her soul. She wasn't like most girls- she was different. She had a way of turning the mundane to insane, the ordinary to extraordinary, her weakness to strengths and finding pleasure through the pain. She loved like no other. She was the wild flower undiscovered. She was a cool breeze on cloudy day, the rain drop on a leaf that decided to stay. She was the candles wick without its wax and burned anyway. She was beauty, she was grace; she'd see a storm coming and ride the waves like a wild mustang runs on a wide open range. She was the moon-Shining in the darkness through each and every phase. She is the one you think of when home becomes a person instead of a place. Miranda Marlaine: Admirable and full of laughter; she was the one scripted, gifted, and full of her insaine power to love- she is Marlaina.