There is skill involved
in abandonment.
I have mastered the art
of pushing people away
to avoid their running
when the truth comes out.
I blame what they’ve done
on rejection,
but I know it is my fault
they left.
I could not expect most
to stick around
after the way I treat people.
It’s my fatal flaw.
I know how scared I am,
I fear they’ll see me
as I really am
and leave me.
I can’t survive alone anymore;
I can’t hold on to life
without someone
encouraging me.
I’m so dependent on others
it’s frightening.
All my life I pretended
I could be on my own,
but it was a grand lie.
I need you so desperately;
I need you to remind me
it will be ok in the end.