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HOLLOW WORDS TURN TO POETRY. ADMISSION
I wonder when I got broken, dismantled to pieces, running empty and naked to the road call life!
No pity, no sympathy just wondering what has change since?
Mother pregnant, father beating the pulp of life from her, broken she is too…
Before I push my first scream, before I learned to speak or walk, I was crippling by the curse of dysfunctional upbringing, the love of my mother was never enough to fills the gaps, the emptiness, the glory hole where I suck some pleasure, ephemeral indeed!
Nice word to surmount my life, hollow and silence…
I am struggling so hard, I feel my guts hurting like hell, acid in my guts!
Vomiting on the pavement of my so call existence wishing to see the end!
But I must carry on for the loves one, how hard it is…when one does not know how what love feels…
It would have been so easy to follow the path of the broken soul, the same dark alleyway, the same scenery, the same sky, the same moon…
And all drowned my sorrows, to oblivion till the end…
I wish I could find the same despair again, the same ending, the same smell of hospital, the same silence, the same end, let face it!
Maybe I could hold then the gun in my hand and shoot my brain to pieces, to find the ultimate peace.
But there are no pills or razor blades sharp enough to end it all, so I float on this masquerade call living, call happiness...
Can’t you see my tears; can’t you hear the scream in my deepest nightmares?
I know you don’t and I forgive you, but please let me go in peace once and for all…
The water is calling me and the writing will follow, so is life…
Poet of the gutter, your words shall not be forgotten, they shall stain the page, silver screen of this new road call the cyber path…
So one day, you shall meet me, in my agony and see the beauty, I try to portray, and I never wanted to hurt you or anyone else as a matter of fact.
I will walk to the river; I always love water, memories of the child playing along the river, fishing exotics creatures from the water where I shall laid down in my eternal sleep…
The current will swept me to the ocean, before they can find my bloated body, before they can see the carnage of a broken life has did to me.
And I know I can hear you, telling me, don’t give up yet…
But there is so little life in me yet but there is so much strength in me.
Forget all the atrocities I lived, the beatings, the drugs, the rape, the prostitution and the free pound of flesh to all…
What is it there to say? I am in such agony, in so much pain, if you could ever knew this sensation, you would put the snooze around my neck and kick the chair so my despair end….remember…
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