Author Information
For my grandma
I know that it hurts you when I don't come home
Like it hurts me to know you're eating dinner alone
And I know you get scared when I don't answer my phone
I'm sorry I've kept from you more than I've shown.
I hate when we argue because we say what we dont mean.
I hate that I've lied to you in the past and still can't come clean.
I hate that my chaos kills your serene
You should be treated like a queen.
I respect that you took in kids that weren't yours
Because your daughter had a secret love affair with the floor
You taught me to respect others, but respect myself more
You taught me to be independant, and not to be a whore.
You taught me to make good decisions, but I don't follow through
Thank you for the opportunities that you provided and I blew.
Thanks for the toys, and the clothes that I outgrew.
Thank you for every single thing that you do.
Granny, You're the only consistant thing that I've got.
When everyone else left, you stayed in one spot.
I'm sorry I get wasted and smoke too much pot,
and block you out sometimes when I get lost in thought.
I'm sorry I dropped out and made us go broke
I feel like I owe you for the road that I chose,
But I feel like things happen because they're supposed to
You've always accepted me, with my flaws exposed.
We have a crazy bond that people don't get to see.
I know we've gone through more than the average family,
And you're still hurting about the situation with Billy.
If I could, I'd take your pain and let it crash down on me.
I want to take you somewhere so far away
Where you don't have to worry about showing up to work late.
You've been working too hard, for too long at this age.
And you're too proud to stop, you still wake up and face the day.
You taught me to grin and bear it, even when it gets scary.
Not to waste time on people that don't treat me fairly.
To stay calm when things are gettin crazy.
To keep my pad clean and not to be lazy.
To shoot for the moon and not settle for some stars
To learn from my brother who lives life behind bars.
To always work hard so I can go far
And not to be held back by what caused these scars.
I'm stubborn, and you know it, cause I got that from you.
Sometimes it gets me in trouble and I don't know what to do.
And sometimes I get lost, but I always find a way through.
The rockier the road, the better the view.
I hope I don't EVER make you feel unimportant.
But when I try to express myself, I always come up short.
It's hard for me to cry, I feel like I have to force it.
It's hard to build bridges because I constantly torch them.
I worry sometimes about where I'll end up.
It doesn't matter if its half empty because I keep dropping the cup.
And I'm plagued by the feeling that I'm always fucking up.
Like everythings running smoothly but I'm stuck on self-destruct.
Sometimes it feels like the time flys too fast.
I wish I could pause it, and record over my past.
Because it pulls me back and slows me down, I'm tired of finishing last.
I feel guilty that you have to struggle for cash.
I want you to have something that you can call a home.
I want you to feel happy and not feel so damn alone.
I want you to recognize how much we've both grown.
You've prepared me for the world that I too must roam.
So don't get too mad that I stayed up till 3.
When you read this, I request that you leave me asleep
P.S. I intend to clean the kitchen.
Love, Melody.
