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confessions of a broken heart
Where can i start where should i look to find the one true thing that is missing out of my life,the one true person who will love me for who i am and not just want other shit from our realtionship.
Someone who truly loves me for who i amd and not for what i give or do for them,i once thought i found the perfect guy who had all the thing's i look for and wanted in a guy.
How could i ever been so blind i thought you loved me and wanted me there with you but i guess i was stupiod enough, to fall for all those lie's you told me.
You said you loved me and that i will never be alone or feel sad again i acturly belived all the word's you told me.
You told me how much i meant to you and that i do not have to worry anymore, or cry everynight but how can you say one thing and not mean it.
There was a time when i thought i meant the world to you and that i was all you wanted i was so blinded by your love that i fell for all the thing's you told me.
Where can i go to find a better and peacefull place away from all the trouble's and heartache, where no one ever make's you sad or cry.
You looked into my eye's and told me that everything will be alright and that you love me i still cant belive i fell for all those lie's and the way, you said you loved me and held me in you'r arm's there was no way i could see through you and all the lie's.
You told me that you will never hurt me but how could you say that and then turn around and put me through this much pain, i love you so much but at time's it's like loving you is tearing me apart and driving me insane.
We still are apart and this time it's for good, we went back to just being friend's again but why does it feel like i dont even have you as a close friend, anymore you tell me you'r alway's be here for me whenever i need to talk or need someone.
I just don't see how you can just give up on us so easily after all the pain and hell we went through to make our realtionship work when you left you took a part of me that i never thought would heal up until, you came along my way and made all my problem's ease up and slow down but now you'r gone again and the pain and problems just came back ten more time's harder than before.
Things may not have been as perfect as they seemed whenever we was seeing eachother everyday but you have to admitt that they was not tottaly down the pipe everyday without you feel's like i'm living in hell burning away faster by the second, you said you was not happy but all i have is one thing you need to answer and it is if you was not happy or didn't feel loved back or felt like i was smothering you why didn't you just come out and be honest and tell me that you need some time apart to settle thing's inside you'r head and yeah go ahead and laugh because i fell for all the thing's you told me when "settleing" thing's in you'r head acturly meant for you to walk alone and find someone new someone better someone who didn't carry alot of baggage along with them.
Who can i call on when the only person i need to talk to and need by my side is you but why is it that you'r so blind that you couldn't even see how good you had it or how smooth you alway's had it going whenever i was by you'r side you alway's telling people how unhappy you was and how you felt like you was trapped answer me something how is it that you was the one who felt that way when i did everything i could and even beyond everything that i could do to make you happy teo let just one part of you'r life go smoothly without any dramma or fighting, there are time's where all i wan't to do is lay in my bed and cry myself to sleep but then it hit's me without any sign of warning and it hurt's so bad and the pain is so unbearible at time's that i do not know how to escape or even get out of it even if i try i just feel like im trying find my way out of a pitch black hole ine the middle of no where and i feel like i will never get away never get out of this pain or hell that i am living eachday.
There is so much that i wanted to tell you that night and so much that i had inside of me but when i tryed to find the word's and the correct way to put it i just got all confused and a little scared that they would come out the wrong way, or that maybe you would just tell me to fuck off and that you never wan't to talk to me again and i could not take that chance of loosing my bestfriend it hurt's already that i lost you as a boyfriend we was so close closer than any married couple i know we bearly even had a fight i tryed make thing's so perfect for you and me it was hard to do alone especialy when i need you the most and you was never around for me.
Everyone kept on and on telling me about how whenever i need you the most you was never here and how i shouldn't put up with that but i always made excuses for you i would alway's tell them that maybe you was busy or maybe you just got cought up in something and that you will call me or come check on me whenever you get the time, but how could i have been so blind i chosed you over my whole family even my friend's there was a time when i thought i meant the world to you and that deep down inside you really cared but i was blinded by you'r so called love that i blocked everyone and everything else out espet me and you i loved you so much that it hurt whenever you wasn't around all i could do was i never left the house but then you say i'm obessed over you when you was the one who wanted come over everyday on the weekday instead of the weekend's.
I couldn't even see it when everyone was always saying how maybe you didn't come over on weekend's is because maybe you found someone else and how i should not have to or should not put up with that but i never question your love for me or never question anything you did or said even now you tell me that you'r alway's be here for me whenever i need someone to talk to, but how come now when i need you the most you'r not here what is it that annoy's you so bad and that make's you feel like you'r traped and can not escape this even after the brake up i still feel you inside me so deep that its like you'r right next to me i can't even sleep at night without thinking about you and worrying about you i just wish i could make thing's better and a whole lot smoother for us i even kept my promise's i made to you for what tho so you can just turn around and do this it really hurt's seeing the one you love more than you'r life itself and then have them telling you how obessed you was with them when you don't even see how they could say that.
You had it so good so damn good but you just tossed it all away when you got tired of all the dramma and the game's you use to tell me how every girl that you was with did you wrong or some how hurt you but now i kinda find that hard to belive, when look at what we went through and you was just as much to blame as me or anyone else you could have been honest in the start and told me about the girl but no i had to find it out the hard way i was tired of all the dramma and fighting that i was just about to give up and tell you let's just be friend's but that's when you came in and said it's over you have no idea how hard it was and how bad i wanted to just say fuck it and move on with my life but i didn't and i couldn't because i know deep down inside that i love you and what we was going through was to hard and we came to far to just say fuck it and leave it behind and be friend's but we had take the chance and see what would happend if we made it past friend's but look where that got us now we always bitching, we always fighting either meNyou or some other chick who know's you why couldn't you just been honest with me in the start we could have saved alot of heart ache and could have saved the one thing that meant the most to me wich was our friendship now it's like i don't even know what to say or how to put it anymore you was the best thing in my life even tho we had problem's and i would always ask you was everything okay between us and you would alway's smile and hold me and say yes everything is fine and that you love me so much.
