In Living Hell

Standing there and watching me bleed pulling at my guts from the inside just standing there watching me do it not trying to stop me at all, and you say you love me and care about me.

If you truly love me you would try to stop me but your not your just standing there watching me while im suffering with pain but at the same time enjoying the pain because i know you do not care about me.

All that comes out of your mouth is nothing but lies you cheat you like and you beat on me and you expect, me to believe that you love me.

Love is not lying or cheating or beating on me i'm not some dog that you can beat on and make obey you at anytime you want.

I hope you are enjoying this because this is what your love makes me do, crazy stuff like you put me through.

I want to leave you but i cant because im afraid you will come after me and kill me because i left you.

You told me over and over if i ever leave you that you will come kill me and that there is no way to escape you everywhere i go you find out and everyone i talk to you make them so scared that they want do anything, to help me escape you i'm so terrified of leaving you that i think if i leave in the middle of the night you wont notice but then i think back you see everything i do you know everything and everywhere i go so where can i go to escape you.

Who can i trust to keep me safe and out of harms reach of you, you turn everyone against me.

I see a guy who i think maybe is different from you and maybe he wont be scared to get to know me but something, screws up and he walks out i wonder if its me or something i did wrong.

Why cant you just leave me alone and let me live my own life you say if i come back home to you that things will be different and that, you love me and never meant to hurt me and i fall for that over and over because i love you and in my heart deep inside i know you will change.

My family and friends tell me i need to get away from you for good but i cant make them see that i already tryed and i'm never going to be able to be completly safe with you always around and always haunting me they are all buying your little act and your making me out to be the bad guy in this whole deal, when all i ever wanted was you to not beat on me anymore or abuse me but everyone thinks im the one who fucked up and i deserve this kind of treatment from you.

There is only one way i know how to escape but if i go through with it everyone will be upset and crying because i shot myself but thats the only way i know how to be safe and away from you but if i kill you so i wont have to be the one to die, i will be locked up in prison for the rest of my life.

I guess i'm stuck in this hell living each day scared to even move because if i move the wrong way you will beat me i just  want to escape this pain im living in each day with you, i would rather be dead than to live another day in this hell with you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is my poem i written a few years ago i cont explain, what made me write it but i think the poem speaks for it self in so many ways.

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