Painful Depression

"Painful Depression"

Sitting here looking around at everyone in this place and feeling as if i do not belong everyone looking at me like i have came into the wrong place and as like thing's would be better off if i would not have showed up at all. But where can i go who can i run to when im havin problems and need to escape it feels like my whole life i have had no one who even care as what i do or what happends to me. I just want them to see the pain that i have  up inside me and be here for me when im feeling scared or down but they havent always been around whenever i need them to I do not know how too reach out and seek help from them when all my life they always been to wrapped up in there own little world to even notcie the pain upon my face I wish so bad that i could just let this pain out and go far away too find myself And find someone who does understand me and who cares and will always be here for me. Someone i can talk to when im feeling down or just whenever i need too let thing's off my chest i feel so confused and empty right now i just wish there was someone out there that truly understood my pain and what im going through. I would give up anything to be one of those normal people and have a normal life But i can't do that and not having someone i care about so much not being here isn't helping it as much. I miss the way my life use to be when i was happy and always on top of the world but sense that person has gone away my life has just fallen apart i do not know how much longer i can go on. I feel as if when he left that a huge part me left right along with him. I feel so alone in this world not having anyone who cares for me of wonders what im doing or whats goin on inside my head and if im okay or not. I feel like as if i died right now that i would be doing everyone a favor because then they could go back too doing whatever it is they do and not having me screwing things up for them then it already is. I'm so sorry that im such an disappointment too you. But i can not be what you want me to be you just going to have to live with that and knowing that i have tryed my hardest i just do not know what to do anymore and i do not know what it is that you want from me i'm sorry.

By: Heather Rae Feazel

written 6-22-03

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