Author Information
Psychology: Excuses
Nicole Galloway
3/31/08
P. Wolfe
Psychology 150
Lies, Excuses, Responsibility
Forgetting what we were, growing into what will come
Looking through the history of mankind, and you can probably see a severely dysfunctional pattern of relationships between the people of the world. Wars careening through the territories; bandits; rapists; murders; abuse; the list goes on. But why are these crimes committed? Why do people do something they know is wrong? Why do people feel the need to justify what they know as morally wrong? And why, pray tell, are some of these justifications enough to allow such heinous acts to continue?
From the time a child learns that certain behavior is soon followed by certain negative reactions, the child relies on their natural instinct to lie and try to stay out of trouble. It is up to the parent to correct this mistake, considering that lying is looked down upon in society. A child will lie if it’s an accident or he/she will lie if the situation was intentional, because the child fears the spanking that looms just within arms reach. These “little white lies”, as they are commonly known, continue throughout the child’s life, really getting its kick-start when the child starts school. Suddenly, there’s a whole new world to lie about. Anything from homework not being turned in on time, to finding a way out of hanging with some random kid on the play ground, there are multiple reasons why a child finds it ok to lie.
It could start off as something innocent, such as trying to cushion another person’s feelings, but more often than not, humans have a far from innocent motivation hidden within. Human beings don’t like to deal with things such as guilt, and humans are quick to shirk their responsibilities onto something or someone else just to make sure they don’t have to carry it themselves. That’s when the lies evolve into something a little bigger - excuses.
Excuses are these wonderful little fantasies that can be a combination of a half-truth, and a half-lie. It enables humans to shift the negative attention away from themselves using a lists of “whys and how-comes” that usually boil down to “it’s not my fault”. The truth itself could have been so simple as “I didn’t want to do it”, but that line can’t be used in real life. A parent, teacher, or employer would not accept such blatant laziness as that, and so the truth is stretched into something more along the lines of “I got sidetracked.” There is a very small difference, but it is more acceptable to the public, seeing as people busy themselves with numerous affairs all the time. It can also be stretched just a little be more with “With all the homework/work I’ve had all week, it just slipped my mind. Is there any way I can turn it in tomorrow, first thing in the morning?” Oh, brilliant. Not only is the pushed away from the person in question, it is redirected towards the superior in a plea for mild mercy. “I’m so over worked, I’m trying my hardest for you. May I have just a small chance to redeem myself?” Wow, the truth came a long way, hasn’t it?
Excuses grow and soon morph into something that never was to begin with. Yes, there are some excuses that are relatively justified. If a person says they’re going to a meeting, and is held up by a surprise car accident - well, no one plans these things, and so, such a scenario is generally accepted as a justified excuse. A woman can’t go to work because her child has a flu, yet again something completely justifiable. No one plans to have their child getting sick, and no one really wants to have to stay at home to nurse said child.
According to “Calstatela: Excuse and Responsibility Psychology”, there are a few reasons why people are motivated to make excuses; such reasons would be:
· Impression management
· · Want to impress someone significant
· · Gap between real and ideal or imagined self
Such reasons seem to justify what this paper has been preaching. If someone is trying to impress another person of higher status or as a possible mate, to show up late for a casual/business lunch would be a poor way to start. The same could be said if a person had stolen a wallet to pay for his date. Then there is the real and ideal self-image. Many people like to over/underestimate themselves, and this tends to cause numerous problems. For those who underestimate themselves, they simply can’t do it. They can’t make that grade, they can’t get that woman, they can’t provide for the family, they just can’t, can’t, can’t. On the opposite end of the pole, there’s the person who feels they can don just about anything and everything, and for that reason alone, they don’t. If they can anyway, then why try? Or the line “I can do it later” comes to play, but sadly, the problem is never solved. “Later” will eventually come around, and what then? The homework is unfinished and the employer is looking for the next replacement.
According to Shlomo Hareli from the Department of Psychology in the University of Haifa, excuses are based on one of three major reactions of self preservation: avoidance, admission, and defense.
Avoidance, to put plainly, is to simply ignore the issue. What’s done is done, and there’s nothing that can be done about it. There is no effort to correct the problem, no attempt to save face, no care towards those who have been hurt or will be affected.
Admission would be a mild excuse, followed quickly by an attempt to redeem one’s honour by asking for forgiveness.
And defense is the one that most people are guilty for. Defense is the stereotype for excuses, where a person will pull a rabbit out of a hat if it means that they won’t get into trouble. Defense is usually the motivation for the most amusing or hurtful fabrications to man. More often than not, defense is what one would see if they turned on their TV to watch politics.
No governor, senator, or even the president would want to be caught doing something they know the majority of people would frown upon. However, there are rare times where the government can surprise the public by admitting their mistakes. In the 1990’s, Bill Clinton had been impeached due to his affair with a young woman, and after seeing how his private matters had effected the public, he still took the time to hold his head up high and apologize, in spite of the fact that the public had no business in his personal affairs to begin with. Not even ten years later, a war broke out between America and Iraq, and under George Bush’s command, the bombing started. Having a war unto itself is no crime as far as history is concerned, so long as you can keep your facts and priorities straight. Sadly, unlike Clinton, Bush either was unable to keep his facts straight, or the media was in such a rush to sell their papers or to get the hottest story that the media themselves were unable to separate the truth from their own dodgy stories.
Now, upon recently, psychologists have made some amazing breakthroughs concerning the human mind, and have helped to identify certain traits as to why people react or do some of the things they do. However, as many hard working and good psychologists there are in the world, there are a few who take their findings too far, to the point that no one should have to pay for anything, but instead be medicated for this disease or that. And it’s this sort of behavior and viewpoint that the media leeches onto.
A favoured example is concerning a new study that suggests it is within our gene pool that males are inherently more prone to violence. Now most people would hear this and assume it was the testosterone levels that most of society are taught as children to be the culprit, when in reality it is the break-down of neurotransmitters that causes a male to be aggressive, but here’s the catch. According to recent psychologists, this only takes effect if the male is harmed or abused as a child. (Psychology, sciencemag.org)
This seems like a reasonable explanation except that not all people who were abused as a child turn out like their parents, and not all people who were given the best of care turn out to be the greatest parents. Whereas such a find is useful in helping people understand the human race, it also leaves a door of opportunity to get out of the worst scenarios with nothing more than a few years of therapy and a new supply of drugs. If a man abuses his wife and children, he is naturally taken to jail. He has committed a crime, and for that he must accept the consequences and pay for his actions. But with newfound knowledge of the mind, newfound excuses are formed. “When he was a child, he was beaten…” As harsh as this may sound, children have been abused all throughout history. Women were abused, children were abused, slavery was in effect for centuries upon centuries (Not even counting America).
People have gone through hell on earth and still rose to their feet to better themselves. To come up and say “he was abused as a child therefore he is mentally unsound” doesn’t really serve justice. After a certain age, a human is perfectly capable of defining what is right and what is wrong, and to bruise or break a child is most certainly wrong. The same could be said for molestation. If a person was forced into a traumatizing experience as a child, there is no excuse as to why that person feels they have the right to inflict such trauma upon another living being.
Sadly, too many people like to lie to themselves and live up to the excuse of “it’s not their fault”. If the world continues on this path, it’s a wonder who’s fault it’ll eventually be, since no one wants to take responsibility. Take care of your children and guide them as well as can be expected. Not everything is their fault, but remind them that sometimes there is a time where someone has to take responsibility for his/her own actions. As adults, we have corrupted ourselves beyond the point of recognition, beyond the point of an innocent and narrow path, and instead have broadened our horizons in becoming true human beings: lying creatures who don’t want to take responsibility, who don’t want the guilt to weigh us down.
Shlomo Hareli,
http://research.haifa.ac.il/~benzeev/excuses.htm
ScienceMag, http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/summary/297/5582/752a
Calstaleta,
http://www.calstatela.edu/faculty/jshindl/cm/Excuse%20and%20Responsibili...
