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Blondes

By Muriel Palanca and Jenelle Murling



I’m dead and broken like my hangnail.

I’m bleached and split like my hair.

I’m obnoxious and bloated like my implants,

But nobody seems to care.

I’m blotchy and clammy like my skin.

I’m furry and rough like my legs.

All the jeans I own make my butt look big.

And I have the IQ of an egg.

My brain is filled with UV rays

From tanning at the salon.

When I have sex there is no lubricant,

So I just use lip balm.

Lately I’ve been on the Atkins diet

And I don’t think it’s working too well.

I don’t fit into any of my clothes

And my hips are starting to swell.

I like to buy Gucci and fancy things.

I really am quite rich.

I had to hire some new best friends

Because my old ones called me a bitch.

My acne makes my face break out,

So I look for some cream at the mall.

My boyfriend says my lips are chapped

So I tell him that he’s small.

Right now I’m PMSing.

I didn’t know I could right.

Those boys are staring at my chest.

I guess my shirt is on too tight.