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Twilight Precipice

you know those whispers that blow in
on warm summer’s day breezes
the ones that tell you that you
can be anything you want to be
or that you can love anyone
you want to love
and that love conquers all

I heard those whispers when I was young
and believed them all true…
I fell madly in love with the idea of love
I mean just imagine
an emotion that could
move mountains and conquer wars
a feeling that could make time
lay down and be still in wait for
a dream that could span a lifetime
being dreamt and redreamt

because you just know that
someday, somehow, out there
you will find that one person
who thinks all of your flaws adorable
and boast you are beautiful
even when you know you’re not
that one person that will love you
just because they do love you
….and they will love you forever
without judgment or expectation
that one person that will want nothing more
but than to share time with you
wanting to be there by your side
in all those simple quiet moments
and the hard moments too

I struggled throughout my life
and fought what I felt was a valiant fight
but so many things were left unsaid
and unheard ….and untouched
until the march forward
and even the desire to keep going
left me here in this moment feeling
completely emotionally and physically spent
without even any hope filled words
to inspire me to keep fighting this battle
how could I feel anything less than defeat

and when I accepted with all certainty
that I had lost the war ….that it was really over
I found myself here
in this moment, today,
teetering on the twilight precipice of my life
…finally realizing
I was never meant to hear those ideals
that’s why the words were whispered
they are not for all to hear
they are meant only for
a select few incredibly lucky people

and though love is
the most important currency in this world
it seems there are only
a certain amount of worthy hearts
that ever actually get to trade in it
not that all hearts don’t have it
at some point in their beating life
but most of us die with it inside
never being able to give it
to the one person it truly belongs too

and now as the sun sets on another long day
only questions remain
the how comes and the whys that
fill my hours and rain down my face
demanding answers
that I don’t have

…..that I will never have

@LadyRaine