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Limericks 5
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LIMERICKS A little old man we'll call Willie
Had a haircut that looked very silly
Striped red and brown
With some tufts hanging down
And a topknot bedecked with a lily.
In France the fine gendames fight crime
this force full of men in their prime
It's no use to bluff
When in a handcuff
You're sent off to jail to do time.
A duck swimming out on a lake
Was eyeing a right handsome drake
When the sun beamed
His feathers just gleamed
So she swam all the day in his wake.
A thesaurus has words that are new
From that source I've learned quite a few
When I am writing
And ideas are not biting
I leaf through to get a fresh view.
Taking my cat to the vet
A shrill serenade I would get
She hated her cage
Would get in a rage
Like an off-key violin quartet
Shop-till-you--drop is no fun
I'd rather shop briefly and run
For when you have finished
Your cash has diminished
And you are exhausted and done.
An artist puts on a display
Of paintings in colours of grey
Most visitors scoff
Give him the brush-off
So he hid all his paintings away.
A plumber was mending a pipe
A hard to get underneath type
He wished he could shirk
This muddy type work
But pipe dreams are nothing but hype.
When rain tumbles down in July
The clouds have a really good cry
Their tears fall so hard
Out there in the yard
There is not a thing that's left dry.
Three mice in a pantry one week
For some tasty morsels did seek
They heard a cat coming
Which sent them all running
Whew! That was sure one narrow squeak.
A train driver was hauled up in court
For not doing things that he ought
Going right off the rail
Was sent off to jail
His wheeling and dealing cut short.
When riding a bike down a hill
An old man had a terrible spill
A hardy old bloke
When of it he spoke
This retired man said it was a thrill.
A pot of plum jam on a shelf
Felt lonely sat there by itself
His mates were all eaten
The plum jam felt beaten
It was stoned as a brain addled elf
A book that I read in my bed
Had a cover quite brilliantly red
When that book I was seekin'
It flashed like a beacon
There's no way I could be misled.
I spy with my little eye
A wasp and a bee flying by
while they're on the wing
They cannot me sting
So may they continue to fly.
I once knew a very grim chappy
Who never did seem very happy
He cried at each need
Whether drink or a feed
Or when he required a clean nappy.
While writing a novel in Spain
A young man was wracking his brain
For ideas romantic
Getting quite frantic
Re-writing again and again.
A mug and a cup side by side
Each other began to deride
The teasing progressed
Each day without rest
For each other they couldn't abide.
A tree stood beside an old well
The leaves into its depth fell
Whenever a breeze
Took a trip through the trees
It dropped in its whole bagatelle
Open plan living is fine
I'll toast it in extra good wine
But smashed window panes
That let in the rains
Are not such a happy design.
Our intent was to camp in a tent
But we found that it had a big rent
when the rain tumbled down
We thought we might down
So the tenting was one non-event.
A skylark was spiralling high
Up, up to the clouds in the sky
down he did scoop
While looping the loop
But this kind of lark don't you try.
