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LIMERICKS
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LIMERICKS A picnic was arranged for by Sue
In a place with a terrific view
When asked who she'd take
Sue said "goodness sake!
I pick Nick because he's my love true".
Maps show us all where to go
In places we never did know
Be it road, trail or track
They direct there and back
Or follow a great river's flow.
ne stubborn and silly old sheep
Made his poor shepherd just weep
He gave it a beating
Which set sheep a-bleating
and then the poor thing fell asleep.
A barber, once shaving a client,
Who sat in the chair quiet and pliant
Gave a cry of despair
At what he found there...
A whole tribe of nits so defiant
Pizza is wonderful food
It's good to feed all of your brood
Topped high with cheese
It surely will please
With tomato on top it is good.
A pair of pears grew together
All through the best summer weather
When their skins turned yellow
They were picked by a fellow
Who ate them while sat in the heather
Fresh rosemary grew with strong heather
Both plants found delight in wild weather
In June with the snow
They were hidden below
And reappeared in the Springtime together
By lakes our fine willows are weeping
At night when the whole world is sleeping
I know it's absurd
But their cry can be heard
Across the lake surface it's creeping.
Once a girl feeling quite blue
Thought she knew just what to do
To make her feel happy
She employed a chappy
Who painted her cheeks a red hue.
A little seed started to grow
It crept to the sunlight real slow
It sighed with relief
As it unfurled a leaf
It had pushed through the soil from below
I'm trying to stay in good shape
From toes right up to my nape
while eating my dinner
I'm still getting thinner
It's starting to make people gape.
A cow gave such beautiful milk
The same as the rest of her ilk
Her calf wouldn't try it
Refusing her diet
Though it slid down her gullet like silk
A farmer was feeling so tired
He'd worked all day long and perspired
He'd furrowed and ploughed
Till his poor back was bowed
And his spirit had nearly expired.
Dancing with the stars is great
Each week I can hardly wait
The stars all shine
The dancing's fine
And the judges often debate.
Of a coat I once bought here's a tale
It was sold the next week in a sale
I'd scrimped and I'd saved
But one third they had shaved
My joy in my purchased was pale.
A little old lady in China
Fell over and got a real shiner
She rubbed it with Greece
Which a Turkey released
Sent to her from out Asia Minor.
When teeth of the wind bite our faces
We wish we were in other places
Where there is no storm
And zephyrs are warm
But resign ourselves with the best graces
My flowers are so grateful for rain
To be tinder dry is a strain
They lift their tired heads
From their dry garden beds
We humans must never complain.
I love crusty home-made new bread
It's that I would always be fed
With margerine or butter
Delight I will mutter
And marmite on top as a spread
A librarian had a fast car
In which he would travel quite far
Till a traffic cop looked
And the fellow was booked
While paging a friend in a bar.
An apple once hung from a tree
Awaiting the time to fall free
But it got the pip
When it fell on its hip
And its ego got bruised terribly.
Our vegies are now all organic
They didn't have those on Titanic
Not spoiled in the way
That veg is with spray
No need with this great lot to panic.
