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All My Life. True Feelings of A Big Sister

Surviving a Little Sister's Release

From young age, I have been protector of my little sister Sherly Rainey.

From kindergarten to elementary schools, I have cared for Sherly in every way that I could know how.

In elementary school I had to fight 3 boys and a girl protecting sherly.

Surprisingly, I am only 1 year, 1 month and 2 days older than Sherly.

Caring and protecting Sherly has been a job of someone much bigger person.

I was 5, 6 7, and up, I recall mom saying, " Ketsia, your baby needs juice or milk."

Even if I were sleeping, I was always glad to get up and get it for Sherly.

Sherly was always sick, missed lots of days from school

I remember returning home with my lunch box full of food to share with Sherly at home,

because I could not eat in school without Sherly and knowing that she is home and probably not eating.

Sherly was 10 and still would not eat without someone feeding her.

I was one of those feeding Sherly, because I was also sick when Sherly did not eat.

We were 5 children in the house, I had to  fight one big brother and a big sister for Sherly,

because they always tried to snatch snacks out of Sherly's hand.

I was 6, 7, 8, 9, I had to carry Sherly on my back when she could not walk to school due to her Respiratory Infections.

Mom was happy for my initiative to help Sherly.

Mom's aunt Erzulia came over one day, I recall she was happy to see me and she started to explain how I cared for Sherly,

and the stuffs that I had to do for Sherly Rainey. Things that I knew nothing about.

I remember one day mom said, every time Sherly was sick I would get up early in the morning,

I would walk around in the yard looking for leaves to boil tea for Sherly, and Mom said for some reasons,

Sherly always got well after I prayed and gave her my tea. This were my prayers " God, Please make

Sherly well In the name of Jesus." Said mom

Sometimes mom gave us money for lunch, even then, I would go back home with the money when Sherly is not

in school with me. The big sister that I used to fight for Sherly, one day broke Sherly and I up.

When I was 8, Shnader got sherly to bud with her and excluded me.

She also made up rules for Sherly to go by in other for Sherly not to play with me.

This is after Sherly got healthier and did not get sick as often as she used to.

Therefore, she did not need much help from Ketsia. Regardless who was playing with Sherly,

I was then excluded. They did not snatch snacks out of Sherly's hand any longer, they nicely asked to share it.

Sherly enjoyed their attention and willingness to play with her instead of fighting her,

not even once Sherly said let Ketsia play with us. She just left me alone but still

everywhere we went to school or lived, people would think that we were twins.

Sherly and I continued to grow apart.

Luckily, now I had one extra person "Sherly" besides Shnader and Sol to tell mom lies on me for playing with boys.

I sometimes got beat up for nothing.

Sadly, mom left us when I was 9. I became lonelier with nobody to ask,

" what are you guys doing to Ketsia?" and no one to remove from them by saying,"

" Ninide, come sit here next to me."

I had no choice but to look for family in the neighboring areas where I lost my childhood as a victim of molestations and rapes.

All my childhood is lost in the hands of friends' older brothers, cousins and next door neighbors

and I could not say anything to no one at home. Even classmates' married uncles with bigger kids molested me.

At  the age of 13, a next door neighbor named Wilkens raped me and hit me afterward.I kept it secret.

My brother Sol no longer stayed in the house, he only came to sleep at night because he says he didn't like what was happening at home.

Each time Sol met with me was always to severely hit me, because my sisters would complain of me talking to boys,

while Sherly talked to boys and never got in trouble, because Shnader always stepped in the middle of Sol and Sherly.

They worried about me talking to boys who did not hurt me, but never knew what was really happening to me

by pushing me day by day away from home. Mom still was not back yet to rescue me nor to see my misery.

My older sister would have her boyfriend Harry in the bedroom, in the meantime Shnader had her boyfriend in the living room.

Sherly and I would go outside by the kitchen. Sometimes, Shnader and Her boyfriend Frantz Jean François would come and sit with us and make out in front of us.

In many occasions, Frantz would bring his little brother Harold with him.

Harold would come after me, I did not like his teeth. I told him that I didn't like him.

He went after Sherly then. I have no idea how it turned out, because after a while, I started to do like my brother Sol.

I would go to certain classmates' house to spend time and return home for bed.

They never imagined why, but then I was the family whore in their head, just for staying out.

By 14 and 15, I could no longer be seen by my sisters walking or talking to a guy, without them passing by and  saying,

" Bitch" or look at the Bitch." What hurt the most, Sherly would come by and say the same thing the 2 big sisters had said

even if she wasn't there on the first round. The guys would ask, "These are not your sisters?" I answered yes.

The guys never really understood why they would do that, they simply stopped talking to me.

But some, would try to rape me next time they saw me.

As always, my brother would come just to beat me for been called a whore, but I never knew why I was called a whore by them.

When I was almost 16, mom came back home, but could not live with us. It is complicated.

Shnader was already on her 2nd boyfriend Richard Jean-Baptiste, who I helped Shnader catch leaving another girl's house one night.

The thing is that the house was a mess. Sherly claimed to have been raped by her neighbor boyfriend Abellard Jean-Charles (Janjan).

All I know is that everybody had been doing their things with no name calling, but I was the whore for talking with boys.

For most of my young age,  I went to people's house to escape my house, then got labeled, so I could not tell no one and I had to keep going away.

Some days, Sherly would go by Rosita's house with me, so she would not be alone.

Carcoutoune who was asking me out, started to ask Sherly out after I said no, because he was so short.

I will let sherly tell her story in this one, because I am pretty sure she would love to say that she never said yes to Cacoutoune.

For a couple of months, Sherly went with me to Rosita's house and talked over the wall with Carcoutoune.

She talked to Carcoutoune and I talked to his friend Walkin whom My older sister's boyfriend Harry scared away.

At 21, I went to see a new born baby with a co-worker named D'jems, due to transportation, I got home at 1:13 in the morning.

My sisters named me whore again, thinking I went elsewhere with the guy.

Something that did not cross my mind. After explaining myself, they then said that knocking on the door at that time woke the landlord up.

They started to argue instead of thinking to give me a key. Things had gotten worse, the oldest asked me to leave the house on May 21.

I had nowhere to go, I then slept in the hallway. By the end of June, the oldest who was working to pay for the place,

asked if I were still there and Thought that I was long gone. I then felt that they really wanted me out.

I knew no one in NJ, so I had to call that same co-worker for help. someone that I had refused to go to club with ended up helping me with a place to sleep.

I later found myself in a circumstantial relationship.

They told D'jems that I was a whore, not to get involved with me. A week later, D'jems started to physically,

and verbally abuse me repeating the exact same words that my sisters had told him about me.

I was always home, D'jems took me to work, to school, everywhere, I was still getting abused.

I got abused for cooking, sex and for asking to let me go.

After I left the house, Sherly started to club, which I never did.

None kicked her out until she left for the army. May God bless them all.

I got pregnant with my son got married and gave birth at 22, I was still a whore in their eyes.

Sherly went and got pregnant at the same age in the army live with the man named Eric Rainey

then got married and gave birth to a son. Sherly never did anything wrong. Sherly got divorced, I got divorced.

Sherly did not do anything wrong. My wrong doing are counted.

After Sherly left the army, she was not working, I offered to send her money every 2 weeks, she said that she was ok.

I decided to send her a check every month. After my third check she told me that she was ok again so I stopped.

It was my responsibility to support my little sister who was not working. I am never good, I am selfish in their eyes.

Good things I never discard the checks.

At 30, I moved in with a man named Bously who is now my husband and the father of my 2 youngters.

I was the family whore. While others just playing LOTTOed boyfriends.

When I announced my third pregnancy, I was called a family debris by mom, Shnader and Sherly for having three kids and not married.

At least I had a man in my house. My brother and I didn't talk then, because he used to look at me the same way as the others.

Shnader said that I acted like I did not come from the same class as them, I offered Shnader 2 babies for godchild, she refused both

saying that she is not desperate for kids. Sherly ended up being Brucely's Godmother. 

Sherly started to have sex with some man or boyfriend to bear a child for shnader unsuccessfully.

About three years later, Shnader adopted Sherly 2nd baby after refusing my baby who I offered to carry for her even though I was married.

My sister in-law said that Shnader chose Sherly baby because he is smart.

They turn mom against me, they brain washed mom agaisnt me, because I do not allow any of them to claim my kids for income tax.

Every time mom talks to me, it is always the same thing. "Your are selfish, you only care for yourself, your husband, and children."

They all forgot how, every time I am able, I always offer to help them . I was always pushed away before or sometimes after my services have been rendered.

I can be knocking on their doors, at different occasions with my kids, they look at us through the windows with their blinds open,

they still don't opened the door. I always forgive them although, they never say sorry.

One day in 2002, I knocked on Shnader's door with Jamence under the rain, they left me out and ignored my calls.

Shnader's husband Maxo walked out the door and did not invite us in.

Believe it or not, on all of these occasions, I only went to visit, not for need. We spent a whole year without talking

Shnader and Sherly called my husband a couple of time bashing me, telling him about things that I may have done as a kid,

and my life way before I met him which I never did to them. I spent years arguing with my husband for the way he treated me

after my sisters told him that I was a Bitch. They don't realize that they caused my bad treatment from men.

Shnader moved in with a man while Maxo Bellegarde was back home. She claimed to have left Maxo,

because she was desperate to have kids then back in 2008. I only counseled her not to give up on a man who has been so good to her.

I never told Maxo anything on her.

My car broke down on I75, mom had Maxo picked me and my 3 children up.

Shnader made Sherly asked Maxo for the house key and asked him to leave while Shnader was away with FEMA simply for helping me out.

Shnader even asked mom to leave her house if she continued to help me with my kids.

Shnader turned off mom's phone line the next morning after picking us up.

I went and got mom a line on my Tmobile. she let it go and went back to shnader's Sprint contract

after they brainwashed her against me. My phone bill got too much for me to pay, I lost my T-mobile contract.

Shnader stopped talking to me at the same time as Sherly did, January 2009.

She is always dreaming when I am sick, but never understands her dreams.

I forgive my brother, because he apologized to me with tears in his eyes for what he had put me through in the presence of his wife.

The others, never feel remorse, because they say that they are never wrong.

They cannot picture what they had put me through for calling bitch in front of men who later beat me and raped me afterward in my teen age.

Mom wants to make peace for 3 years now, but doesn't know how to do it, because she has favoritism among the grand kids and us.

Mom does not hear a thing I say to her. All she does is repeating what the others had told her about me.

Since mom is getting more dependent of them. They create their own reality in mom's mind.

Mom even forgot that I used to send her money overseas.

I thank God for watching over me and help me survive all these years of misery.

Thank you God, I am still living.

Maybe one day I will  stop crying for a friendship that I think that I could have had with my sisters

mostly Sherly Rainey and that I never had

To be continued.....>