drenched....in my own consciousness

soaking



I am soaking



never knowing what is coming, never knowing which way is up



life has a way of knocking me down, throwing me away and spitting me out so I never have a chance to breathe for too long



it is only love that frees me



but it never stays



it is only peace that can take me to a higher place



but



I cant achieve it



there is nothing that I can do to feel up to the challenge of punching life out, the way it deserves, the way I need to, the way I want to



cursing my way out of the nothing I've become within the web of lies and decietful ways of the world. people, places and things and without knowledge, power and existence



I just continue to sail through the earth's core



with nothing to show for it



my consciousness allows me to fake my way through so-called happiness



smiling to conceal the worst fears that come true before my eyes



soaking



I am soaking in it



shit that I can't control, love that hurts me and hate that eats me up inside



it has me stagnant



and I don't see a way out of it ........







that's what scares me



that's what scares me the most



..............................cause there's no way out



of my head


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