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The Traveling Salesman
Once, my friend, a man was traveling in the mountains, when he got caught in a rainstorm. He was positively annoyed, but he bore the rain as well he could until it began to hail. On top of all that, there was Thunder-and-Lightning, and the wind was positively dismal. He was just about to look for a rock to sleep under when he saw a light in a cleft between two hills. So he hurried towards the light, setting his hat against the wind. He soon noticed that there was not one light but several, and that each light had a house attached to it. He stumbled up to the first house, which being a Public-House, was sure to have a bed and a warm fire to dry the soggy traveler. He knocked on the door until it rattled, and mid-rattle the door popped open and an exceedingly comical face peered out. It was round as a dinner-plate, and the eyebrows appeared to be jumping off the forehead. The face was followed by an equally rotund body, and then the traveler was rushed inside to sit more than three-quarters drowned by the blazing fire. After a while he was somewhat warmed and less than half-drowned, and the traveler had almost dozed off to sleep when he was accosted by a large cup of steaming tea and a barrage of questions.
?Who are you, and why do you travel in such gloomy weather?? said the man with the comical face, whom the traveler had rightly assumed to be the innkeeper.
?I travel because I am a Traveling Salesman,? replied the traveler with as much dignity as he could muster, still being more than one-quarter drowned.
?If you are a Traveling Salesman, what do you sell?? inquired the innkeeper.
?Oh, bits and pieces that I pick up here and there.? replied the Traveling Salesman.
?Where do you keep them?? said the innkeeper with interest.
?In my hat.? This brought an end to the innkeeper?s inquiry, and he eyed the raggedy hat drying by the fire with curiosity and fascination. The Traveling Salesman was now finished with his tea, and the innkeeper took up his cup and bustled back to the kitchen to refill the tea. When he returned he found the Traveling Salesman, being completely warmed and entirely recovered from near-drowning, fast asleep and snoring. The innkeeper covered him with blankets and sat by the fire to drink the tea himself, venturing glances every so often at the Traveling Salesman?s hat.
The next morning the innkeeper got up at six o?clock sharp, and saw that the Traveling Salesman was still snoring away by the dwindling fire. He attended to the fire, and took a basket down to the marketplace to buy food because it was a Friday and besides, he was sure that such a mysterious Traveling Salesman would have an appetite when he woke up. He went straight to the baker and bought twice the usual amount of bread, and as an explanation proceeded to tell his tale.
?Last night, in the middle of the tremendous rainstorm, I heard a loud knocking and rattling at my door. I opened it, and there stood a tall man with a great raggedy hat, shivering and more than three-quarters drowned. So I put him by my fire, and brought him tea, and he told me that he was a Traveling Salesman.?
?If he is a Traveling Salesman, what does he sell?? inquired the baker.
?I?m not exactly sure of what it is, but he told me that he keeps it all in his hat, and it must be something mysterious on account of the secretive way he mentioned it.? The baker was exceedingly curious, but the innkeeper could tell him no more, and he went off to finish buying food. The innkeeper, who was a rather talkative fellow, repeated this story to everyone that he saw in the marketplace, and on account that they in turn repeated the tale to their wives and husbands and children and aunts and great-grandfathers and second cousins and close acquaintances, by the end of market day everyone in the town knew about the Traveling Salesman, and everyone was exceedingly curious as to what he sold.
The innkeeper, who had finished with his purchases, puffed and perspired as he dragged the groaning basket bursting at the seams with bread and meat-pies and apples and sweets back to the Public-House and into the kitchen. He laid everything out onto the table, and collapsed into a rickety wooden chair, panting.
?Why, what on earth is that enormous pile of food for?? said a voice from the doorway. The innkeeper practically jumped out of his skin.
?Wha- Oh, this food is for you,? he said, coloring and glaring fiercely at the Traveling Salesman for startling him so. ?I thought that being a Traveling Salesman and all, and due to the tremendous rainstorm, you would have an appetite when you woke up.?
?Well that was exceedingly kind of you to think of me. I do believe I am a trifle hungry,? said the Traveling Salesman. He yawned, pulled up a chair, and set about demolishing the feast laid out on the table. He ate all the bread, he ate all the meat-pies, he ate all the apples, and he finished off every one of the sweets, drinking large quantities of tea in between courses with the innkeeper looking on in amazement. When he was finished, he stretched appreciatively and stood up. ?That was a magnificent meal, just what I needed to tide me over until dinnertime.? He stretched once more, walked out of the kitchen, and lay down by the fire, almost immediately falling asleep and snoring gently.
The innkeeper sat down in the chair that the Traveling Salesman had just left. He remained there for almost an hour, staring suspiciously at the empty table, as if he expected it all to be a trick of his eyes and the food would appear if only he stared long enough. He was interrupted by the sound of distant voices, shuffling feet, and a baby?s cry. Wearily, he rose and opened the kitchen window to see what the commotion was all about. To his shock, the entire village was trudging up to his Public-House.
?What in heaven?s name are all of you coming here for?? the innkeeper yelled to the crowd. A great babble of voices reached him, everyone talking simultaneously and trying to be louder than the next person. ?Quiet down, all of you! Now, can somebody PLEASE tell me what is going on?? A hesitant voice answered him:
?We heard about the Traveling Salesman, and his mysterious wares, and we want to know what is really in his hat.?
?Well, I don?t know what is in his hat, and he is sleeping right now, so you all are going to have to come back later.? replied the innkeeper determinedly.
Everyone started protesting at once, and it was some time before the hullabaloo was settled down. Just then, the Traveling Salesman appeared in the kitchen doorway, looking a bit drowsy. The crowd saw him through the open window, and the clamor immediately started up again. ?Would you have another cup of tea by any chance?? he asked the innkeeper.
?Oh Traveling Salesman, there is a crowd of people who want to know what is in your hat, and they won?t go away. Whatever should I tell them?? moaned the innkeeper.
?Tell them that I am having a cup of tea, and can?t be bothered.? replied the Traveling Salesman cheerfully.
?He is having a cup of tea, and can?t be bothered to show you his hat right now,? shouted the innkeeper.
The crowd protested once again, and the Traveling Salesman contentedly sipped his cup of tea with the hubbub at a steady roar outside the entire time. He stretched, and stood up. ?Thank you for the cup of tea, and for the magnificent feast earlier. Would you by any chance have any more of those meat-pies? No? Well, I must be going now. Good-bye and good luck!? He jumped out the kitchen window, and strode up the mountainside, ignoring the cries of the townspeople.
?But what about your hat?? cried the innkeeper to the retreating figure.
?Yes, what about his hat?? chorused the townspeople. They all squinted at the Traveling Salesman, now no bigger than a tea-spoon, and realized that he was not wearing his hat! The innkeeper rushed over to the fireplace, and stopped short. There was the raggedy hat, still hung up to dry above the fireplace. He picked it up carefully, and walked out to face the crowd, holding it importantly. ?Show us what is in it!? cried the townspeople, now even more exceedingly curious. The innkeeper tipped it upside down, and everyone held their breath. Out fell a twig with two oak leaves on it.
