in the rush of movement
in the sweaty hops of the bottom of this beer
in the trek to the roof blunt in hand
in the laughter of our voices spilling to the street
i think i might be falling in love with you
but i sit down to write this essay
it is due in 10 hours and i haven't started
and i wonder
if i even do
sometimes i think i'm so tired i want to die
my first love came and went
understand i wrote a million poems to him that he never read
and now there is nothing
sometimes i think i am in love
with you
but often there is nothing
home is a far far way away
i got used to being alone with a list of tasks and breathing
i can't give everything up for you
on nights when i am back in my head thinking
sadness is a taste of dead metal and it is forever
my grandfather is dead and he never knew anything about me
usually i want to die and it is much simpler
than trying to show you who i am