I hurt for him while I could,
which was when I loved him.
He made me, and killed me,
and now he is the whisper of a
whisp of air.
I don't love him,
and I have all my life so
I don't really know who I am.
My life was over at fifteen,
and I knew it.
No one knows me, really,
because I know that my life
is the way it is
because a little boy
broke my heart
when i was a little girl.
Yesterday I was drunk and I almost messaged him
"Hahaha isn't funny that we were in love once?
When was that again?"
Honestly,
I still want to jump out this window.
It has no screen,
not quite unlike the one in his house,
that I would stand at every night
while he was peeing,
and think about how
someday my first love,
and that window,
would all be a dream.
But I'm having deja vu.
I want to die for him so badly,
and prove to myself that
there is some sanity in the world.