It was much easier to break your heart than I expected.
I didn't understand before how they could to it.
But it was so simple.
I must be very careful with firsts.
People who actually deserve
love, laughter,
pouring from happy mouths that smile for them.
I do not smile.
I frown, and my mouth
can only blow out the smoke that he left in me.
Its not unhappy smoke, but its smoke you'll never see.
I shouldn't have been so nonchalant.
It was a contract I didn't truly want.
And I had to break it, our connections, and your heart.
I cursed you, and inflicted first scars.
I never meant to,
and I wish I could say how perfect you are,
without making you confused.
I know this line is overused,
old, cold, broken many times over, and naive.
But I don't believe in love.
And all I understand is how to feel nothing and leave.
You are meant for so much more than a girl like me.
I didn't mean to lie, and I tried to give you my warning.
Don't be surprised if I'm gone in the morning.
I can steal you the moon, but expect no shining sun.
You don't know the things that I've done.
So if I decide to leave, look under the ground.
I've got dirt to eat, and I can't be tied down.
Look below your feet, not over your head-
I've felt love, and I've felt love end,
and I don't believe in a heaven.
I'm so sorry you thought I cried.
But I didn't, I acted and I lied.
Skills becoming so essential in my life.
I never, ever should have hurt you-
you did not know the world, and unlike him,
you did not deserve to be introduced.
Because you have caught my disease,
and become sad beyond reasoning.
I do not want you to become me,
coveting despair like a lost lover.
I had to let you go.
I had to let you know.
This is the kind of person I am now-
I like to eat dirt, and I can't be tied down.