This Is My Brave

 

Another thought 

It is four am
How many hours left
Until I have to make myself face a day again


I think about yesterday
I think about tomorrow
I think about the future
All I think about is sorrow


So I wish for a little luck
For a love that
Shares my trust
For a key to let me in

There is no end
When will this end
You are not my friend
You are in my head

...and you are my only friend


So I shatter into glass
I am such a mess
I can never rest
All of my dreams end abruptly
And I wake up in a pool of stress


I will not ever hate
I will be gracious
I want to live
I want to see
I need to feel
I need to taste

It is a real disease
And it is of my brain


Shh…

I can make it back
It is not too late
I am resilient and determined
Just wait

I will love again
Someone
Will know my name

Breathe
It is okay
We are all just a person
We all feel just the same

 

I need to dissipate this negativity
I cannot wake up in fear of the rain
I am thinking

Way

Too

Fast

Again


Thank God
Those were the answers I think I once sought
But I really have to say I could do without all of this thought


Just write it out
Just write straight up
From negative to positive
And

Do

Not

Ever

Stop


The opposite of what you did to bury yourself under this rock

I hope I can be a better friend
I wish I could trust myself again
I hope this first good day never ends

I pray for silence in the bed I lay
I wish one person would understand me


I have trust in us all
That we will
Get up
After this fall

And that you too feel the same
I pray every night with the space for our names


I know with each day
We will add another
To the brave

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote and performed this poem for the mental illness awareness and support organization This Is My Brave at Hunter College's Kaye Playhouse in New York City on Sunday October 4, 2015.  It is also in my book A Little More Time. 

View jsfusaro's Full Portfolio