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My Nana's Cigarettes
She was always surrounded by gray clouds, even under the clearest sky, not giving a care about the world, or maybe caring too much. Anything was a good reason to take one cigarette out the box and let the gray clouds flow form her mouth. That was my childhood’s Nana, It didn’t matter the place, maybe a little the time, every time I went to see her she had the white stick in her mouth and a little spark on the tip. For her the best place to smoke was in the yard, be it the one in the front under the old roof, or the one in the back under the trees where the smoke would not bothered anyone, very considerate of her. I once asked her, if she didn’t felt worried of being a bad example for her grandchildren, she told me she would be proud if any of us started smoking because of her. One day she fell ill. It wasn’t because she smoked or something of that sort; it was only because she was old. The Doctor told her she should not smoke more or she would get worse, but even after that I knew she did it sometimes. I could smell it every time I kissed her head. Hided in her hair, the white cloud where there, occult. But I don’t think anyone could blame her for smoking so much. After the death of two husbands and taking care of six children anyone would love nicotine. So she didn’t stop after that visit at the hospital. The second time however, she did. She got pretty bad after that. After she went back home she would tell us, to all her grandchildren, “When I die, throw a box of cigarettes into my grave, make sure they are Marlboros, the green ones”, none of us could say “no” to her, the Nana in our memories had always be the one who hold the cigarettes between her fingers, it seemed like a proper parting gift. Now she rest at home, living with my aunt. She rarely goes out; she stays in the back yard most of the times, watching pure white clouds go by. She looks happy, but still longs for the cigarettes she can no longer have, not until her final day, ‘til her last moment, when we will put her three meters underground and throw with her a box of Marlboros, the green ones.
