PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

emotions swirl at the bottom of a bottle

emotions denied at the pop of a pill

emotions displaced with the slice of a vein

make me numb, make me forget, make me better

fix me if you can, I'm broken beyond repair

suicidal thoughts, self-destructive behaviors

wanting to go back to how it was

or rather, how I remember it

when all it took to get rid of this

was one more line

one more swig

one more cut

one more anything

to get me high

to take me away

and then one became twenty

and twenty was too many

but it was never really enough

it still isn't, won't be, can't be

because those times are gone

wasted on a wasteoid

self indulgent behaviors only furthering the regression

giving the illusion of forward momentum

but bringing everything to a screeching halt.

life put on hold

while I "sort" through my "troubles"

a life drugged away, a brain in decay

stagnating, going crazy, well, crazier.

and who could really understand, let alone love

this masochistic murderous mess I've made of myself?

this unappeasable desire for anything that obliterates

the need for conscious thought, for emotions to get through

unable to understand my condition for what it is

but able to point it out and say "I'm fucked up"

unable, or unwilling, or unmotivated, to fix myself

because what have I got that's worth fixing?

I'm a nice guy, well, there's thousands of them, go get another one

I'm smart, well, apparently not smart enough to find a way around this

I'm funny, that's only going to get me so far, and then I'll just fall apart

I'm worth fixing, really? what have I done to deserve fixing?

I'm the one who broke myself, drove myself to drink, to drugs, to self injurious behaviors

to apathy, and beyond.

how can one person have so many conflicting notions about themselves?

I know that I deserve something better, and yet I'm positive I deserve this shit.

I know that I didn't ask for what happened, but I could have tried harder

I know that I'm a nice person, but I hate myself

how can such a pathetic wreck of a man continue to exist in this world

this world suddenly void of all reason, void of compassion

void of anything desirable......