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the mind is bleeding from memories

all the trauma, and stress, the little things

that provoke the agitation

find a way to get through it







just do what you've done to me, I'll never be over it, and never be fine, I'll keep thinking, keep weeping, keep hurting, maybe one day it will fade, slowly, but surely it hurts less, but more in a different way, no longer does it cripple me, but it leaves me helpless, feeling so cold and hopeless and broken, and worthless, and dirty..... why me? maybe it hurts, but its a pain that I'm used to, just in a way that I can't handle as well as I used to....or maybe I just can't see that I am dealing better...... haven't fallen, haven't given in to the numbing movments, the crimson smiles, the toxic solutions..... although the temptation was there.....oh how it was there....... but somehow i'm managing to deal...... without help from any destructive or unhealthy habits that used to help......maybe I am progressing.....but it doesn't feel like it.....right now it just feels like i'm so close to that sharp embrace which brings cleansing sanity, blessed peace, and gorgeous numbness....I've no idea why I feel like I do, but I'm just going to sit through it without giving in.....it's my promise to myself as well as others..... it's only the promise to others that keeps me from it....I've broken almost every promise I've ever made to myself......but I'll try for them..... not becasuse they asked, but because I want to be a better person and don't want to let them down..... although I might actually be doing this for me and right now i'm at a point where I can't admit it's for me......all I know is I want this to go away, but every method i've used before to help I've forbidden myself from doing.........wait it out, sit through it, have patience, it will pass.....





I left the peace

I'm far from home

when I'll mend

I'll never know

all I know is my life is changing

changing





I'll do what I do and when I do

I'll know what happened

when everything went awry

just do what you do what you did to me

section off the hurt and quantify the pain

analize this and find what's broken

maybe one day you'll work past it.