Late Nights for an Almost Insomniac

Folder: 
Early 20s

My mind never seems to sleep.
I lay in bed waiting…
Waiting…
And waiting….
Just to be worn out enough
From trying to sleep,
To actually…
FALL
Asleep.

I’ve tried so many “tricks”…
Warm milk is gross,
Deep breathing is laborious,
Medication (unless it’s narcotic in nature) doesn’t work:
I’d rather avoid the additive little pills
And not become dependent on them forever
The sleep they induce is not restful,
I wake up groggy and hung-over.

But even when I do finally doze off,
I never stay that way.
A full night’s sleep is rare;
As I roll in and out of sleep cycles
The endless ranting that screams through my head,
Wakes me at each interval…

Some nights I prefer the inconsistency of my sleep patterns
Because when I do finally plummet
Into the elusive REM phase….
My dream often amplify all that conscious and subconscious shrieking.

Some nights I wake up more exhausted
Than when I went to bed.
My dreams take my normal obsessive ruminations,
And augments them.

What was a manageable idea…
Is now so extreme that it overtakes every crevice in my mind,
Refusing me permission to take a mental respite.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written June 2011

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