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Hopelessly Disappointed
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Early 20s I find myself to be a person who,
under normal circumstances,
can easily lose herself in
an interpersonal experience.
I try desperately to seek out
and find souls with whom I can
share myself with.
But all too often I actually find myself
hopelessly disappointed.
The intuitive and altruistic person
that I was introduced to is just
a facade for one selfishly devoted to
and ignorantly oblivious of themselves.
I am spitting out my thought-filled prose
and watching them fly over their bloated heads
onto the floor only to be stepped over and on;
never able to impart my wisdom on a mind
that can keep up with it all...
But while I patiently await the day
that my words will float through the air
and find someone who enthusiastically gobbles them up
whole heartedly reciprocating,
I also anxiously fear it.
Recall how I began:
"I find myself to be a person who
under normal circumstances,
easily loses herself in
an interpersonal experience"
What on earth will become of me
under extraordinary circumstances?
A day on which I come across the individual
who moves me into an existence of existentialism.
I fear that I may completely lose myself in them;
in the world of endless streams of consciousness
where the thoughts of me and them collide.
Intrinsically I want this connection; this relationship,
But what happens when the world out here
is no longer my reality
I lose the ability to rationally pull myself back down to the ground
and connect with all persons?
I do not know what will happen.
But I cannot wait for and fear the day when I lose myself in you.
