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My reflection ( please give feedback )
Her eyes like mine are ocean green,
Her lips curl slowly round,
She'll never know the things i've seen,
Or hear the ringing sound,
Of laughter, trickling through the wind,
She'll never see a face,
Apart from mine, a certain sign,
In me her trust she'll place,
Though surely envy aches her heart?
She knows she'll never be,
Amongst the souls, she is a part,
A special part of me,
With sadness do her eyes look out?
Or is it that i guess?
She wishes with her heart to shout,
Of echoed loneliness,
To her i'll never be a friend,
Yet not an enemy,
A sister, bonded to the end,
For all eternity.
Bravo
i enjoyed this very much. The rythm (sorry for the spelling. Im studying english literature too. Go figure) is very good and regular, especially in the first stanza the first two lines present different rythms . Good form and structure and i like the piece overall. I couldnt find anything wrong with it, although if you are just starting writing, although i feel very patronising but don't feel confined to a single style. Poems neednt be ABAB with regular rythm.I like the imagery and the use of poetic technique, especially the rhetorical questions.
Well done this is a corker really.
I'm sorry i wasn't who you thought i was. F**k it, i'm sorry i wasn't who i thought i was.
...I bought the heartbreak hotel on my own with no investors, closed it down and opened the F**k you, get over it bed and breakfast