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Two years have gone by.

So much has happened to break me.

I've been thrown out, or just thrown aside.

I've been chained up & i've been set free.



Tears have fallen and so have I.

Words have been used as daggers.

I have truly loved and I've also lied.

I've laughed at some but others mattered.



...Ive been the enemy and i've thrown the bricks.

I've had wild nights out & lonely ones in.

I've kept some I didnt love & lost others for I wouldnt commit.

I have loved and lost 9 dear friends.



I fixed things with enemies and gained many more.

I stopped writing and took the anger out on myself.

I've broken many hearts and for this I was called a whore.

I lost you; I lost them; I lost myself.



I forgot who I was & said, "fuck it all."

I took hits, drags, and drank until I couldnt feel.

As my father slowly died, I stopped standing tall.

The more fake I became, the more the pain became real.



He screamed names at me and I believed everything.

"Pathetic slut!! Whore!! Cunt!!You're just like your mother!!"

Fuck smiling; I just wanted to scream.

I soaked it in as we intentionally hurt eachother.



In my times of weakness, I believed him.

Every time, he swore I needed him to breathe.

He broke me..Piece by piece and limb by limb.

After a drunken christmas, I decided to leave.



Between my mothers consistant screaming...

My grandparents sadness...

my fathers 'convenient' 'leaving...'

and Stephen's violent madness...



I felt a disturbance unlike myself...

a numbness unlike any other.

...the wanting to break another.

Just as I was broken myself.



A boy with so much innocence and truth,

told me he loved me so much.

'An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.'

I killed him with the gentlest touch.



The plan backfired however...

and i ended up loving this boy.

But a jealous friend said 'never.'

and made him throw me away like a toy.



I was in agony for so long.

I cant count how many tears I cried.

I know that what i did was wrong...

but the second I lost matt, I died.



Then, I received a visit from my past...

my old best friend & one of the trophies i had hidden.

He had grown up so much since I had seen him last.

He smiled like an angel but his eyes were guilt written.



I pushed him away with good intentions,

like he had to me years ago.

The past is something I'd rather not mention..

and I dont wish to remember it, you know.



He is a man that wears a ring,

proudly parading it for all to see.

I am but an old crush; a simple nothing...

and that is how I want it to be.



I locked my past away once more.

Not in a million years would i...

have expected another; this one unlike before....

this one was the twinkle in my eye.



The past attempted to have a hold on me.

I cannot say if it succeeded or not.

However I began seeing things I would have normally turned away from...

and my thoughts began revisiting places they had long ago chosen to ignore.



Its amazing how you think you forget,

but when the moment happens and your lips meet...

you feel every smile, laugh and arguement...

and the army guarding you, admits defeat.



The game was over and I was cheated.

Now you're back for another round.

But for now, you'll remain my little secret...

and this time?My heart will be sleeping sound.



Unleash any weapon you can...

but i've most likely defeated you already.

No falling here; I merely stand...

brilliantly tall, unbroken, and steady.



So if you choose to like me one day...

then the next not like me much at all...

and  treat me as if im prey...

I will surely answer the call.



And we will play a game of ignorance...

a game that should remain in the past...



and while this game goes on...

you will be out for tears and a broken heart...

but i...

I will remain whole... and I will be out for bloodshed.



While I may like you...

and miss you...

and kiss you...

and hold you....

...beware of the knife behind my back waiting to hurt you

if you even dare to hurt me.